How to Get Good – The Principles to Becoming Good at Something

Getting good at things involves repetition, like a monk.

I get asked lots of questions by guys, things like what opener to use, how to get the “one” girl that you have wanted for years, and sometimes for the “one thing that made the difference”.

There isn’t just one thing, something you can do or say that will instantly give you results. The good news is that there are a few things you can do that will ensure success…I’ll tell you them now.

The Crew

What NOT to do: Hang out with guys or are in the same position as you, guys that are negative, these guys will hold you back and you will never be happy.

What I did, and what you can do: My biggest influences in the early days, the days when I was 25 and didn’t have a clue how to talk to girls, were positive role models who I didn’t know. Pick Up Gurus, NLP masters like Richard Bandler, and my favourite – Milton Erickson, a genius in the fields of hypnosis and therapy.

These were my role models because I didn’t socialise, I didn’t know people, I stayed in the house and read…but they were still useful in instilling some of the qualities of success.

So my virtual friends were all these cool guys who I was learning from. When I decided to start actually talking to real people in the real world, I sought out people who had qualities that I desired. The most important interactions in these days weren’t with women, they were actually with guys.

I made friends with guys who had slept with way more women, had tons of experience, and had qualities that women found attractive. You know, they were confident, and funny…and these could actually be themselves and still get the girls. Some funny things happened:

  • I saw them do things that showed me what was possible and that gave me inspiration “Wow, you can kiss a girl that quickly?!”
  • They reprogrammed my limiting beliefs, “Okay I guess women do like sex, and I guess I am not bothering them if I talk to them!”. I’d say “yeah but…” and trot out some objection and they’d destroy it… or they’d destroy it by proving it wrong in a nightclub in front of my eyes. Either way, they evaporated.
  • Their qualities spilled over. Imagine this – you see a cool as fuck guy talk to a super model. You hear what he says and see how he acts. He sleeps with her. You now have a blueprint for doing the same thing correctly. You see their comic timing, start to understand the structure of the humour they use to make girls laugh… you pick it up too. Take 1000 little things over a year or so and you are a changed man.
  • Social Intelligence, fashion, and more. These guys dress right, behave correctly, and get results. The simplest way to describe them is “cool”. Spend time with them and you see what constitutes cool. The only way I learned how to be cool was from watching and acting like these guys.
  • Action: Seek out people that have qualities you lack in a particular area. Don’t be jealous next time you see a guy getting all the girls, do whatever it takes to be friends with them!

The “Field”

Don’t limit yourself.

When I first went to a nightclub, I was VERY uncomfortable. Ditto for the first time in a strip club or the first time trying my luck in a coffee shop with people listening. I get lots of messages saying “I don’t like nightclubs, I’ll just to day game” Wrong! The act of going from uncomfortable to comfortable to successful is a process that anyone can go through.

You learn invaluable skills from conquering each area of game. Day Game, Night Game, high end game, strip club game… each one different, each one will teach you things that will improve your skills with women and your life in general. Travel to foreign countries, approach girls that look bitchy, approach girls that aren’t your type. The more “out there” you get, the more you’ll learn.

Be Weird.

You are now a PUA in training. You are going to do very strange things for a short amount of time, learn all you need to, and then get back to normal. Accept that you are not as good as you want to be, accept that you need to try a ton of stuff, and accept that you need to be “weird” to get the fastest results.

Weird means doing 20+ approaches a day. Weird means trying all kinds of openers. Weird means trying peacocking, doing embarrassing things, going out with notes in your back pocket, memorising openers, practicing facial expressions in front of the mirror, meeting up with people from the internet… it’s all cool, because you know you are being weird, and you know it’s not forever.

The Attitude

Be open.

If you watch our training products and we give you an opener, a technique, don’t judge it. Don’t think about whether it would work or not. We know it’ll work. You just need to try it. Try things that don’t seem like “you”. You will change, and if you are not as successful or happy as you’d like to be, embrace the change.

You’ll be surprised… years ago I didn’t imagine I’d go from only being attracted to sweet girls to being attracted to sexy confident girls, from hating nightclubs and dancing to loving it, or from hating meeting new people to enjoying it.

Don’t be too hard on yourself.

You will FAIL a lot. You will be embarrassed a lot. You will do stupid things. But you’ll learn that you need to go through it.

My first 10 numbers flaked, my first 5 dates sucked, my first 3 girlfriends dumped me. It’s normal, it’s fine. The key is the attitude… it has to be: “Okay what went wrong here, and what should I have done, and most important, what do I do next time?” The more mistakes you make, the more bulletproof you are. I rarely make mistakes these days, because I have made them all already.

Don’t expect a straight line going up.

Most millionaires have had failed businesses. The best performing stocks of all time have had days, weeks, or months when they have fallen by 10-50%. The best sportsmen have slumps. When you are gaming you will have setbacks, it’s normal.

If your Friday is worse than your thursday, back it up a bit and you’ll be happy as long as this week is better than last. If this week is bad, as long as this month is better than last, you are still doing well. Any time something bad happened, I looked for the positive reframe and compared to my past when I had nothing – “well I got rejected, but at least I approached”, “she wouldn’t meet me, but at least I got the number”, “the date was shit, but at least I was on a date!”, “she dumped me but at least I got a girlfriend!”.

Now for us men, our emotions are on the line, so it can feel a lot more personal than your work life, your money situation, or your hobbies. It’s fine to cry, to feel bad for a couple hours or even a day or two. But bring it back, recognise that feeling pain is what will make the victory even sweeter. Don’t try and be a robot, to cut off your emotions.

Finally, always remember that whatever you are doing, there are a ton of guys who have done it before, who have made it. Let them be your inspiration.

Good luck.

Now get out there and talk to some girls! ;-)

– Rich

16 Responses to “How to Get Good – The Principles to Becoming Good at Something”

  1. Robert R. October 12, 2011 at 10:05 am #

    Hey Rich,
    So after months of reading and listening to audio programs by you and your friends, I finally manned up and ask for a girls number last week! I was so proud of myself. The entire build up and the asking part weren’t that bad at all, turns out what I have feared most in my 24 years isn’t that big of deal.
    Unfortunately I’ve been texting this girl and she is short and not really showing reciprocation. She has 2 jobs and is a student and claims to have no time, I decided after several attempts to give up due to her lack of effort. Why should I try for someone who isn’t trying for me?
    I took the let down quite hard, but like you said; try and look at the positive side. I got her number easy, I’ll just go out and get another; or at least try.

    Thanks & feel free to give me advice :-)

  2. Dave October 12, 2011 at 12:21 pm #

    Inspirational :)

  3. raymond dudley November 19, 2011 at 5:47 pm #

    dear gambler , i got your book. thanks oh by the way check my facebook page. you should like this. cheers. raymond 19/11/11

    • Richard June 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm #

      Will do Raymond. Thanks for getting the book, I hope it helps!

  4. jacob January 2, 2012 at 1:31 am #

    i want my life to be better and i had no idea how i was going to change it, but this just opened my eyes to just how cool and awesome i can be if i go for it

    • Richard June 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm #

      Exactly right Jacob. Focus on what you want and engineer the things around you so you stand a better chance of getting the thing you want most.

  5. david Colville March 28, 2012 at 7:42 pm #

    How do I order your PUA book for purchase?

  6. Brian April 11, 2012 at 10:49 pm #

    Excellent blog post Rich!
    You have been an inspiration and a mentor to me for some years now.

    Not just in the field of Pick Up but in life.
    I look forward to reading more of your posts.

    Keep them coming!

    • Richard June 20, 2012 at 4:06 pm #

      Thanks Brian! Love hearing comments like that.

  7. Gabriel June 22, 2012 at 6:57 pm #

    Hello, Richard! I’ve been reading your books and post’s on the blog and i’ve liked pretty much ^^ In fact, I read all the methods: Indirect, Direct, Mode One, and, of course, natural. I’ve also read your book. You gave me a new vision of game!
    Also, nice text. Way to go, Gambler!
    I got a question for you: When will you be here in Brazil?
    So, thanks! Sorry for the bad english, I’m still trying to learn.

  8. Jimmy July 28, 2012 at 9:37 pm #

    Haven’t read the your book yet (it’s still sitting in my Nook eReader), but love all your work. PUA University is a gem. Always very practical methods for not only picking up women, but acting alpha. Keep up the good work. Guys need you!!!

  9. Michele August 21, 2012 at 1:42 am #

    Hey Rich!
    This is the first time that I read something on your blog.
    It’s wonderful. It’s fucking wonderful.

    I’ve started the game a couple of years ago, but not seriously.. I was with a friend of mine, we read the Mystery Method, than The Game and we started to try pick up girls. I just took some number phone in front of other friends of mine, just for show them that I can do it, instead the my best friend, had sex with some of this girls.

    I’m from Italy and now I’m in Australia. I’m alone, without my wing.. It’s difficoult to sarge without nobody, ’cause I miss someone who can charge me!
    When I’m arrived here, I decided that the time of change something, was arrived. So, I started to read your book.

    A couple of weeks ago I met some guys from a Melbourne’s community. They are pretty nice and I went out with a couple of them for some days, but they are just newbie and they are very shy. So it wasn’t very good for me, it wasn’t what I was looking for!

    The day after I met all the guys for a ‘meeting’, I was very excited! Was my first time for be a Natural in a Day Game! And it wasn’t so bad, I had some good conversation, altough my english isn’t perfect, and when I was on the way for come back home, I get a number clos on the tram with a very cute Japanese girl.

    My Approach Anxiety was gone, I was very happy! The day after, I get another N-Close, and the next week I had three 2°date with three different girls. Then I found another sticking point of mine: I’m scared when I have to kiss a girl. So, when I came back at home, after my last appointment, I was depressed.

    This happened 1 week ago.

    All this week, I worked for all the day, so I hadn’t a lot of energy for go out and pick up girls.
    Now I’ve read this post, and you make me feel better! I’ve just read also your last post.
    These are the motivations because you are one of the my best inspiration sources.

    I hope of being able to see to you soon

    Best Regards,

    Michele

  10. Ethan September 2, 2012 at 5:28 am #

    I started my journey two weeks ago today. I’ve made some great progress, but the past few days it seems like I’m going backwards. However reading stuff like this gives me the motivation I need to keep pounding away and moving forward. Thanks for this, I look forward to more of these posts!

  11. ShashaNk June 16, 2013 at 5:39 pm #

    I Just Watched Your Videos On Youtube today :) I was so amazed after looking at your personality .
    I read your bio on wiki and few comments and blogs .
    Im not kidding but I am amazed to say that I have the same story and my aims are also the same.
    Maybe destiny brought me here to show me my future.
    Im just 19 year old good looking guy who was just ordinary before.
    I wanna be like you or better than you ;)

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