I get asked lots of questions by guys, things like what opener to use, how to get the “one” girl that you have wanted for years, and sometimes for the “one thing that made the difference”.
There isn’t just one thing, something you can do or say that will instantly give you results. The good news is that there are a few things you can do that will ensure success…I’ll tell you them now.
What NOT to do: Hang out with guys or are in the same position as you, guys that are negative, these guys will hold you back and you will never be happy.
What I did, and what you can do: My biggest influences in the early days, the days when I was 25 and didn’t have a clue how to talk to girls, were positive role models who I didn’t know. Pick Up Gurus, NLP masters like Richard Bandler, and my favourite – Milton Erickson, a genius in the fields of hypnosis and therapy.
These were my role models because I didn’t socialise, I didn’t know people, I stayed in the house and read…but they were still useful in instilling some of the qualities of success.
So my virtual friends were all these cool guys who I was learning from. When I decided to start actually talking to real people in the real world, I sought out people who had qualities that I desired. The most important interactions in these days weren’t with women, they were actually with guys.
I made friends with guys who had slept with way more women, had tons of experience, and had qualities that women found attractive. You know, they were confident, and funny…and these could actually be themselves and still get the girls. Some funny things happened:
- I saw them do things that showed me what was possible and that gave me inspiration “Wow, you can kiss a girl that quickly?!”
- They reprogrammed my limiting beliefs, “Okay I guess women do like sex, and I guess I am not bothering them if I talk to them!”. I’d say “yeah but…” and trot out some objection and they’d destroy it… or they’d destroy it by proving it wrong in a nightclub in front of my eyes. Either way, they evaporated.
- Their qualities spilled over. Imagine this – you see a cool as fuck guy talk to a super model. You hear what he says and see how he acts. He sleeps with her. You now have a blueprint for doing the same thing correctly. You see their comic timing, start to understand the structure of the humour they use to make girls laugh… you pick it up too. Take 1000 little things over a year or so and you are a changed man.
- Social Intelligence, fashion, and more. These guys dress right, behave correctly, and get results. The simplest way to describe them is “cool”. Spend time with them and you see what constitutes cool. The only way I learned how to be cool was from watching and acting like these guys.
- Action: Seek out people that have qualities you lack in a particular area. Don’t be jealous next time you see a guy getting all the girls, do whatever it takes to be friends with them!
Don’t limit yourself.
When I first went to a nightclub, I was VERY uncomfortable. Ditto for the first time in a strip club or the first time trying my luck in a coffee shop with people listening. I get lots of messages saying “I don’t like nightclubs, I’ll just to day game” Wrong! The act of going from uncomfortable to comfortable to successful is a process that anyone can go through.
You learn invaluable skills from conquering each area of game. Day Game, Night Game, high end game, strip club game… each one different, each one will teach you things that will improve your skills with women and your life in general. Travel to foreign countries, approach girls that look bitchy, approach girls that aren’t your type. The more “out there” you get, the more you’ll learn.
You are now a PUA in training. You are going to do very strange things for a short amount of time, learn all you need to, and then get back to normal. Accept that you are not as good as you want to be, accept that you need to try a ton of stuff, and accept that you need to be “weird” to get the fastest results.
Weird means doing 20+ approaches a day. Weird means trying all kinds of openers. Weird means trying peacocking, doing embarrassing things, going out with notes in your back pocket, memorising openers, practicing facial expressions in front of the mirror, meeting up with people from the internet… it’s all cool, because you know you are being weird, and you know it’s not forever.
If you watch our training products and we give you an opener, a technique, don’t judge it. Don’t think about whether it would work or not. We know it’ll work. You just need to try it. Try things that don’t seem like “you”. You will change, and if you are not as successful or happy as you’d like to be, embrace the change.
You’ll be surprised… years ago I didn’t imagine I’d go from only being attracted to sweet girls to being attracted to sexy confident girls, from hating nightclubs and dancing to loving it, or from hating meeting new people to enjoying it.
Don’t be too hard on yourself.
You will FAIL a lot. You will be embarrassed a lot. You will do stupid things. But you’ll learn that you need to go through it.
My first 10 numbers flaked, my first 5 dates sucked, my first 3 girlfriends dumped me. It’s normal, it’s fine. The key is the attitude… it has to be: “Okay what went wrong here, and what should I have done, and most important, what do I do next time?” The more mistakes you make, the more bulletproof you are. I rarely make mistakes these days, because I have made them all already.
Don’t expect a straight line going up.
Most millionaires have had failed businesses. The best performing stocks of all time have had days, weeks, or months when they have fallen by 10-50%. The best sportsmen have slumps. When you are gaming you will have setbacks, it’s normal.
If your Friday is worse than your thursday, back it up a bit and you’ll be happy as long as this week is better than last. If this week is bad, as long as this month is better than last, you are still doing well. Any time something bad happened, I looked for the positive reframe and compared to my past when I had nothing – “well I got rejected, but at least I approached”, “she wouldn’t meet me, but at least I got the number”, “the date was shit, but at least I was on a date!”, “she dumped me but at least I got a girlfriend!”.
Now for us men, our emotions are on the line, so it can feel a lot more personal than your work life, your money situation, or your hobbies. It’s fine to cry, to feel bad for a couple hours or even a day or two. But bring it back, recognise that feeling pain is what will make the victory even sweeter. Don’t try and be a robot, to cut off your emotions.
Finally, always remember that whatever you are doing, there are a ton of guys who have done it before, who have made it. Let them be your inspiration.
Now get out there and talk to some girls! ;-)