Confessions Of A Former Pick Up Artist: 6 Years of Sex, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness

“I’m not a Pick Up Aritst (PUA) anymore. Fuck that. Please don’t call me one. I just want to find a great girl and have a nice relationship” Richard La Ruina, 2012

Kind of strange to hear from the founder of PUA (Pick Up Artist) Training?  Yeah I guess it is ;-) …But let me tell you how I got to this point…

Six years ago, when I first started going to nightclubs seriously, it was a LOT of fun. I remember going to the same London night club (China White is the name, in case you were wondering) seven nights a week.

We got to know every member of staff from the door guy to the toilet guy to the barmen to the waiters. Every night would be a memory, loads of funny stuff would happen, I’d make out with a bunch of girls, and we’d get girls back to the apartment pretty much every time.

One of the wild house parties.

I did this for a few months, but couldn’t do it forever.  I took some time to catch up on my lost youth, that 16-21 age when everyone else was getting laid but I wasn’t.  After about six months, I had more experience with girls, and I pretty much knew what to do.  I turned my attention back to getting a girlfriend.

Over the next few years, I’d meet a “nice” girl in the club every 6 weeks or so, and then she’d become my girlfriend. I’d stop going out and do nice romantic things with her instead.

I’d had my first relationship, with the first girl I kissed, and that lasted 2 1/2 years, then nothing for a few years.  Right after moving to London at age 25 I’d had two girlfriends for about a month each. Both dumped me, because inside I still had a lot of insecurities and very little relationship experience.

Here’s some quick advice, to not get dumped:

1. keep in mind the things that she was initially attracted to, and make sure you never lose those qualities or stop showing them!

2. Pick the right girls.  Don’t force a relationship with a completely incompatible girl to work.  Sometimes things really aren’t meant to be.

These first relationships were just as nice and exciting as it was going to the clubs for the first time. In the end they didn’t work out, but at least this time I wasn’t getting dumped anymore. I was learning and becoming a better man.  The girls just weren’t compatible enough with me.

Next I started going to more high-end nightclubs and infiltrating the scene more and more. The girls I was getting with were much more attractive and a lot of fun, but they often smoked, drank a lot, and a good percentage did cocaine.

A typical night out in 2008…

This, in a nutshell, shows the problem of living in London – The most beautiful girls are only consistently to be found in the high-end clubs, BUT they are usually nothing like girlfriend material. After being spoiled by the high end clubs, trawling through regular bars and pubs and clubs for the one diamond in the rough is no fun…so you don’t do it.

I looked back at all the hot girls I’d slept with. It was cool and all, but 90% of it happened after 3am, with a girl who I knew was not going to be a girl that I’d like to date, which kind of took the edge off the experience.

Of course, when it comes to happiness, I was a million times happier than back in the day when I had no girls. There was some dissatisfaction, but I mean look at the difference:

No girls… but lot’s of pizza ;)

When I got game…

I used to be depressed, and have issues galore.  Now things were pretty much set,  I had good friends, could get pretty girls, and had plenty of female company. It wasn’t 100% satisfying and the 24/7  club life wasn’t something I wanted to continue so intensely as I got into my thirties…but lots of fun times and great memories ;-)

After a few months I did find a nice girl. We dated for 9 months, I stopped going to clubs, and she was the best girlfriend I’d had so far, but things weren’t quite right for the long-term and we split up. At that point, I really looked at things and couldn’t face going back into the club scene full time. I had a few options:

1. Get a “Lifestyle” job that feeds me girls

Fashion photographer, model agency booker, (or even a strip club barman ;-))  these kinds of guys have an endless supply of hot girls in front of them. With a bit of game, results are pretty much guaranteed. The problem was that I’d met a lot of characters over the years who had unlimited access to women, they were guys like:

  • The super rich guy who owned a trendy bar. He could try it on with his waitresses, he could meet new girls and invite them to his bar in his Ferrari, he could offer girls who just arrived in London a room in one of his many apartments. All told he could get laid every day with hot chicks. Sounds great?  Well this guy was always angry, or sad, and woke up and started drinking (champagne) in the morning.
  • The minor celebrity who gets free drinks in lots of the clubs, who gets girls throwing themselves at him, who gets threesomes and moresomes. At first I was jealous, but then I got to know this guy, and I saw the same sad story. Depression, drugs, drink.  You can see the same all over hollywood and the music world…these people might have unlimited women, but it does not make them happy…at all.. so it can’t be the way to go.
  • The billionaire who bought a porn company and has slept with thousands of women. He now hated women, had no respect for them, and could not consider a relationship with them. You start off thinking “wow” and then you want nothing to do with a life like that.

So I realised that a lifestyle that feeds you girls and makes it too easy is not the way. You don’t appreciate something as much when you get it too easily.  You lose all of your innocence, and a normal relationship becomes impossible.

The best thing to do is to get your wonderful girl – beautiful…and all the rest, and run away with her, out of the scene and live a normal quite life. So I took option two:

2. Get the Fuck out

Most of the beautiful girls I’d met in London were foreign. Even when I did find beautiful English girls, they were often a real pain to spend time with.

I love Russia.

So if Russian or Swedish or Brazilian girls are much more fun, I guess I should be spending time with them right?  I ditch my London apartment, and I spend the next 3 years traveling the world, looking for my dream girl.  I’m only in the UK 1 month per year, and the other 11, I’m wherever I want in the world.

I’m generally not one to follow convention, so when it came to relationships, I started to think about different ways to live:

A. Have a girl who likes girls and have threesomes and stuff

This is the “coolest” sounding one when it comes to pick up. And I’ve met a few guys who do something like this. The problem is that there are always stresses involved. If you FEEL a lot, there is gonna be jealousy somewhere, from you from her, from someone.

Cozy :)

If you are with your girl and then you both score a really great chick and you give her 80% of the attention, or your girl just knows you are very attracted to her, that doesn’t play well. She can’t have respect for herself, love you, and be cool with that…and how sustainable is this, what happens when you guys get a little older?

If you don’t feel a lot, then it’s just sex. You either have to be a cold motherfucka who doesn’t care, or you will get bogged down in the stresses of managing this complicated situation.

Same with “multiple long-term relationships”, whether the girls know about each other or not, it creates a headache… Maybe the biggest reason is that the best girls, the ones that really tick all the boxes usually wouldn’t go for it.  it’s only cool on paper…

B. Have the girl who is a good wife/mother and then go on lots of “business trips” and bang other chicks

Maybe this sounds fine too, at first glance, but my problem is that I always respect a girl less when I cheat on her. It kind of destroys the beauty of the relationship. And sleeping with one girl once often turns to twice, turns to “maybe this one is better”, turns to bigger and bigger risks.

It’s tough to keep control. As a man we have to think “do we really need to give in to ALL our desires, or is exercising some self-control, just like resisting that chocolate cake for desert, isn’t that a good thing for us?”

If we give in to all of our desires, we’d be completely selfish, drug addicted, obese…showing some restraint in our love lives has to be a good thing.

I’ve never had a LONG relationship, meaning 5 years or so, might be a whole different ball game then, but I’d prefer not to be thinking about cheating in the first few weeks!

C. The monogamous relationship

Hollywood, fairy tales, and our parents and grand parents generation (sometimes). But honestly this is when I am most happy, when I love a girl enough to not want to go out and meet other girls.  Of course she needs to be beautiful enough where she is pretty much always the best looking around.

It’s tough to find many good examples in my friends who have taken this path and made it work, but there are a few, and definitely there are lots in older people. These friends might not be 100% happy, but they are a helluva lot happier than the “unlimited women” dudes and of course the single guys who don’t get any sex.

I guess the key is not to expect to be 100% happy, but to just find the path that gives you as close to 100% as you can get.  I sometimes think I am “different” and that it’ll be harder for me to have a real relationship. I’ve met too many girls, and become too fussy.

You get a girl with perfect legs and every time you want them like that, amazing eye colour and every time you want that. It goes on and on, for looks, and for personality, and character traits. In London it was going to take years, so I started to travel, 11 months a year for the past 3 years.

In Russia, Ukraine, etc, I can find girls who are good looking enough pretty often, they are honestly 100x more common than in London.

Relaxing with my girl

The Current Plan

I’ve spent the whole summer in Moscow, I did the same last year. Russia, Ukraine, Lativa, and other former USSR countries have the most beautiful girls for me. I also like their character. It’s easy to find good girls, smart girls, and girls who make good girlfriends.

I go to clubs, but not so often, and mostly to just hang with my friends. These days I’m meeting most of my girls through daygame (!), having dates, and I’m finding tons of really good girls.

My plan is to find a great girl here. But I think it’ll be a bad idea to stay here after I find her, because for me a big part of potentially cheating is “opportunity”, I can’t 100% trust myself not to cheat when I have sooo man options.

Also the life is just not as good as other places, the food isn’t so nice, the cities not so clean, the nature not so beautiful and the standard of living for the same money just not as high.

So I’d like to go somewhere with her, maybe England, maybe America, maybe South America, but somewhere with a really nice lifestyle and without the sheer quantity of beautiful girls.

I probably wouldn’t see a girl as good in looks for months at a time, and when I do, I can assume she isn’t gonna have the personality to match. As I get older and spend more time with her, we should fall deeply in love, to the point where other women have no effect on me, even if they are beautiful, my bond with my girl will be too strong…and hopefully I won’t cheat ;-) Will see how it goes ;-)

My advice

I’ve been on this journey, and a lot of guys might read the above and wonder what their goals should be.  If I could go back in time, I’d do things a little bit differently as far as my personal life goes.  Here’s my advice for you:  Settling down with the first girl you meet is usually going to be a mistake.  There is a sweet spot.

You need to sleep with a certain number of women, date a bunch, but there is a sweet spot, when you’ve slept with a few girls, and dated enough to know more about what you want.

Then when you meet a special girl, you can fully commit to her.  You haven’t lost all of your innocence, you can still feel butterflies when you kiss her the first time, and you can totally lose yourself in falling in love.  Enjoy it and take what you can from it, but don’t take pick up too far ;-)

What do you think?  What do you want out of pick up?  Let me know in the comments below..

150 Responses to “Confessions Of A Former Pick Up Artist: 6 Years of Sex, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness”

  1. David August 16, 2012 at 12:57 am #

    Hi Richard.

    Thanks for such a honest post, I really could see several of my own thoughts and worries in your writing, and feels good to see I’m not the only one but even a seduction expert like you goes through the same distresses.

    I have thought about going to Russia or Ukraine as well. I’m 35 and, honestly, the dating scene in the UK sucks big time. Quality of girls is low, and there’s an excess of men, at least in London. Barcelona, where I’m from, is not much better. And would say the rest of the western countries, for that matter.

    The problem is: how to make a living in Russia?

    • Richard August 18, 2012 at 7:07 pm #

      Russia is actually not a bad place to do business. There is a lot of money in Moscow for people with talents. I know a few expats that make a good living in entrepreneurial ways. If all else fails, English teacher ;-)

      • The Post August 21, 2012 at 5:03 am #

        you should not go chasing tons of women
        love is what us as humans want not sex
        we strive for purity just to get in-pure with sex
        find a woman and love her have a long lasting relationship
        YOU still have a chance

      • The Post August 21, 2012 at 5:06 am #

        When i singed up for this i Knew that there was a breaking point and you were reaching out to it all i had to do was wait

    • Ritchie Clay August 21, 2012 at 1:22 am #

      Call me again. You said you could offer payment terms on your Atlanta session and I would like details on that. Please callje when it is most convenient.

    • Alex (Formerly "The One") haha. August 21, 2012 at 6:36 am #

      Well done. I think you have just enjoyed “PU A epiphany.For years I have chased hot women, caring only about bedding the 10’s.
      Now im older I want a girl who I can respect enough to marry and still be attracted to after 50 years.
      Thats the dream bro!
      Good luck with your quest and good luck to all the guys clawing their way out of “The Game”

    • Nate August 22, 2012 at 2:14 am #

      Dear Richard,

      What you have written is so honest and revealing. And, you have spoken to some of my deepest feelings as well. Some of the greatest happiness I have ever known has been in a long term relationship with a beautiful girl who loved me like life itself. (I’ve had a three year, a four year and a two year ltr, with random hook ups sprinkled in between. I am a late bloomer who did not discover game until I was 25. Before that I had only had sex with one girl who was my first long term relationship-a hellish four years. After learning about pick up, I created a three year relationship with the woman of my dreams. Though I had to break up with her because I saw our lives going different directions, she is still one of my best friends in the whole world. I know that I never, ever would have achieved this without game! Also, I have had access to great training for long term relationships/intimacy available on the planet. If you really want access to this stuff, email me and I will connect you.)

      I knew intuitively that you were something special in the pick up world. You have class and depth and humanity. . .and you figured out that there is more to life than fucking hotties!

      It took me fucking 59 girls in a row, and then several intermittent periods of total celibacy (no masturbation even), along with some pretty deep Taoist and Tantric training to discover that basically the ancient traditions about sexuality and marriage are on to something huge. And I learned how to have two hour orgasms as well, which is cool.

      To have a beautiful, sexy, WORTHY, loving, creative and interesting life partner is a blessing that outweighs fucking a different centerfold nightly. Celibacy is actually an even more intense high, if practiced truly and correctly.

      But to hear the absolute master of game come out and explain that he has arrived-by something like my experience with women times hundreds or thousands of girls-at an essentially traditional understanding of relationship is cathartic.

      My respect for your work was never unfounded, and I have an even greater respect for you after your most recent post.

      Best wishes,

      • Yazan August 23, 2012 at 1:08 pm #

        Nate, well said!

        Can i have more information?

        (Also, I have had access to great training for long term relationships/intimacy available on the planet. If you really want access to this stuff, email me and I will connect you.)

      • Bart October 11, 2012 at 6:24 am #

        Hey Nate! That blew me away. Do you mind recommending me books to learn how to have 2 hour orgasms? It would be really interesting. Cheers!

    • Prusssia August 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm #

      I think this makes more sense than all the PUA bullshit:

    • Amazigh August 26, 2012 at 8:47 pm #

      If someone is rich ,I think it s easy to get girls .I see that you travel a lot .All the girls of the world wish to be with an American because is powerful country and all the people there is a business man .But i dont think that you will have success with girls if you are somalian and poor .

  2. bob August 18, 2012 at 4:09 pm #

    just curious, as far as relationship advice, have your peers collaborated with you? (lyons, hussey, etc)

    • Richard August 18, 2012 at 7:08 pm #

      Not really, no. If I talk about this stuff, it’s usually with older people in good relationships.

      • Steve August 21, 2012 at 10:00 am #

        It’s a frustrating dilemma when you have lots of choices and options with beautiful women.

        Richard, do you think it’s just our current societal values and subjective morality that cause men this guilt and women their jealousy about multiple partners?

        It might have been quite normal in the past for men to have many girls.
        I sometimes wonder, if there is life after death, how would angels be? Trapped with one partner for eternity, or swimming and loving freely like dolphins!

      • Steve August 21, 2012 at 5:22 pm #

        I’m going to Odessa in a few weeks.
        Recommend any places?

        “I’m not a Pick Up Aritst (PUA) anymore.”

  3. Amir August 18, 2012 at 4:39 pm #

    It was a really good advice richard, I’d started my journey have been four months and it’s really good to see the mind of a person that it’s starting at this and the one that has been for years in this road. I hope you find what you are looking for. (:

    • Richard August 18, 2012 at 7:08 pm #

      Thanks Amir! And good luck to you!

  4. Bone August 18, 2012 at 4:40 pm #

    This is just the pure truth right here Richard!

    Most of us guys who were shy back in highschool, get into pick up just for one reason. Make up for lost time. Do the things that should have been done at that time, getting laid with girls when you`re 16, etc…

    The guys who do it eventually stop doing the hardcore clubbing, or the hardcore pursuit of sex and girls, and just want to find a good partner. And they often don`t struggle because they had the right training, the real life training. They are know as… “The Naturals”.

    But even so, you are better positioned Richard, you did the same thing, even more hardcore, but knowing all the way through what you were doing, what was your goal. You will never have doub`ts about how to behave in a relationship, Naturals will. You will never feel fear of loosing a girl, Naturals will.

    I think the plan you have chosen is the Correct one. Hope you find “the one” for you man!

    Take Care

    • Richard August 18, 2012 at 7:09 pm #

      Nice message, thank you.

  5. hyunsoo August 18, 2012 at 4:49 pm #

    Thanks you for the post.
    Although I have a long way to become a pick-up artist, your post gave me a lot of insights and stirred up some thoughts in me.
    Thanks. :)

    I hope to read you would post another article five years/ten years after. It would be really interesting to see how your thoughts have changed.

    • hyunsoo August 18, 2012 at 4:50 pm #

      I reread my comment and there are so many grammar mistakes……

      • Richard August 18, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

        Even 2/3 years should have enough action to post an update ;-)

  6. David Tian August 18, 2012 at 4:52 pm #

    Excellent post, Richard! Echoes some of the things you were saying in your last interview in Singapore. I admire your courage to champion monogamy when you’re head of a big PUA training company. Mature, balanced perspective on the options. Great read!

    Looking forward to your next trip to Asia!

    Best, David

    • Richard August 18, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

      Thanks mate, hopefully see you again soon!

  7. Jerry J August 18, 2012 at 5:06 pm #

    I have seen so many so called pick-up artists,who meet girls for lay.If this is short time of experience,it does not look sick.But those guys years in just few time meet a girl then sleep with them.I personally it is not healthy.I talked some of them but they get laid many girls but not happy.They are seeking validation to other guys and show it off other guys who are interested in pick-up.Many of them are insecure some in some points.

    I know friends who has good regular job with nice girlfriend.some of them used to date a lot same time but not like the way PUA guys meet girls.He was chased by beautiful women.Regular job plus weekend Dj.After he found a one,he moved from the UK to Texas.He has happy life with wife and kids.PUA guys dis the guys who have wife or long term relationship but they look unhappy they have more number of lay.

    After I read this article, you are healthy person.I mean,you are not pick-up zombie or guy who are addicted to pick-up.

    Guys who are less or zero skill needs to go through the learning period but then after they did not wake up.They fall into category.You showed your transformation on the book.It was not just skills with women,you also changed your image ( looks) too.I mean you showed the change from average shy guy to playboy look ( sorry,if you are hated to be called playboy).when girls found PUA materials,they did not angry at other guys so called pick up guru, because they look video game master or comedian.But when they found your stuff,I mean DVDs,they pissed off.Because they sensed you have playboy look.

    They did not bitch about other guru who’s on youtube.They did not it was about pick-up,they thought it he talks about video game.

    • Richard August 19, 2012 at 1:07 pm #

      yeah all true, and for sure the very worst thing a PUA can do is do it for validation of other men. I think there are still a lot of those guys around.

  8. Riley August 18, 2012 at 5:10 pm #

    Interesting insight into your pickup journey. It’s always seemed like pickup was a tool for one of two things: to have fun with girls, or to find a legit relationship and get out. I’m still having fun ;) but completely realize that it is a somewhat hollow existence. Eventually, getting out seems like the only satisfying solution.

    • Alex August 23, 2012 at 9:47 am #


  9. Pablo August 18, 2012 at 5:12 pm #

    Funny, I kinda have the same stuff going on right now. I’m kinda sick meeting girls just for a fling. it’s fun but it just feels hollow at times. Like I want something more. I rather meet a girl who is fun on a deeper level and is someone I have a real connection with, rather then just being pretty.

    Could be just a fase, maybe in a few weeks I can’t wait to score girls again. But right now, I rather go on dates with girls I really like and talk about stuff that really matter instead of scoring.

  10. Lennart August 18, 2012 at 5:32 pm #

    Such a great read Richard. I’ve been following your stories/posts for the last couple of years, and I must say that I like the sound of your current plan, and your advice.


  11. Geo August 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm #

    Richard I’m lost cause you help me get my first girl, but you even said that your first girl usually won’t be like your soulmate and I really like her, but I notice a few differences bewteen us even though me and her are really good right now. I need your help.

    • Richard August 19, 2012 at 1:08 pm #

      Hey it can sometimes work out, but just try to visualise the future years a little bit. Maybe you or her can change and mate it work long-term, or maybe not.

  12. Antoine August 18, 2012 at 6:07 pm #

    thanks a lot for sharing such an unique experience. I find it very precious, that’s why i want to thank you again.

  13. Oscar August 18, 2012 at 6:31 pm #

    Happy you figured it out… But I am sad to hear it took 3 years of non stop pickup to figure it out. You should attend Date With Destiny w Tony Robbins – that would convince you that real happiness is about giving to other people, not screwing them. And that it is fucking beautiful!

    Go get butterflies

    • Richard August 18, 2012 at 7:05 pm #

      Guys come to me to hear about dating, hence the focus in this article. Doesn’t mean I couldn’t equally write about a bunch of other stuff in my life. The right way to do things for other people is not to brag about it. That would mean you are doing it for yourself and not for them. Tony Robbins is fine..but I wouldn’t look to him for any great answers. Glad if it was good for you though.

  14. Don August 18, 2012 at 7:37 pm #

    Thank you for the insight. I read this at a very interesting time in my life, and it really resonates with me. Perhaps I need to evaluate again what I am really looking for.

  15. Hikmat August 18, 2012 at 7:53 pm #

    thanks for the post Richard,
    I liked the way you integrated those points from the beginning of your PUA journey up to your current plan. one of the points triggered a question in my mind. its about maintaining qualities that a certain girl likes in me, how do you think I should work on that, things always change when I get used to the girl I’m with.

    thanks for the great post

    • Richard August 19, 2012 at 1:09 pm #

      Just keep it in mind, and if you start to see her less interested try and bring them back. Overall try and always be improving.

  16. Yuriy August 18, 2012 at 10:08 pm #

    Hey Richard! Thanks for the update.

    I ve been particularly unsettled by the amount of jargon used by the pick up artists as it makes it sound like they are from another planet and further separates the World and the way it is viewed by newly found “Cassanovas”.

    My question is, what are you now if not a PUA (cos we got used to seeing you that way)?

    • Richard August 19, 2012 at 1:10 pm #

      Just a guy I guess ;-) I don’t need to have a label, right?

      • mike August 20, 2012 at 11:01 pm #

        But you can’t stop, your name is literally “Dick, the Ruiner!”.

        You were born to do it!

      • Yuriy August 21, 2012 at 6:14 pm #

        Sure) What I also find interesting is the rejection of a wish of living a lifestyle that “feeds you women”. Thinking about it, there is something hollow in that, and I can see that from that, its hard to make a normal relationship where both sexes start from “0” so to speak, and slowly build it up.

        I ve got another question for you Richard)

        What would you do if you didn’t get into PUA industry?

        Cheers) Yuriy

  17. Yared August 18, 2012 at 11:59 pm #

    Hey Richard

    I just finished your post and I gotta say that I feel for you. In my opinion from what I’ve seen in regards to some other “pick up artists”, they too seem to be going the typical path of 1) learn how to get women/improve yourself/whatever 2) pick up momentum 3) in their prime just going through women 4) slowing down 5) getting bored 6) more interested in a steady relationship; i.e. you’re not alone.

    The problem is not the women. The problem is YOU. Judging from this article, which I know is not a fair judgement to make, it seems like your life is centered on bedding women. Hell, the reason why you completely up and left the country of your birth was because you were tired of the women there! There’s nothing inherently bad with that, but if you’re not happy with your life, something is obviously whack.

    What you really need is some structure in your life that is not completely related to sleeping with women. A lot of the more “natural” dating coaches call this a PURPOSE. That is exactly what you need. Find that noble and oh-so-ambitious larger-than-yourself purpose and go downtown on it! Hit it hard!

    Eventually, you will find an awesome woman who is willing to join you on your path to your purpose, who is aligned with your goals. A woman who shares your sentiments and values and who’ll be there to prop you up when you need it, kick you in the ass when you’re being lazy. Everyday you will be fascinated by her, by how much just a single person can keep contributing to your life. And if you know what’s best for you, you wont stray :P

    I might be completely lost in woods and this comment might be entirely out of sync with the reality of your life. But I just want you to take the time to sit down somewhere and contemplate your life and what you want to accomplish with it.

    Maybe you think your purpose in life is to teach men to become attractive men. Do you thin you can find a girl who could help you with that? Or maybe you should create a summer camp designed for socially awkward guys in their teens (younger versions of so many of us), where you help them overcome their awkwardness.

    This was just my 2 cents. I hope you find the answers you seek. Also, though I hate to be putting up recommendations to your competitors on your blog, I think Zan Perrion has some really interesting views on relationships with women that you might find interesting or decent enough to try and adopt. Also, David DeAngelo’s Becoming Mr Right program has a lot of good stuff that’s pretty much designed for men who’ve gotten to that point where they’ve been able to get plenty of chicks, but want to take their lives to the next level.

    Good luck man!

    • Richard August 22, 2012 at 12:07 pm #

      Thanks Yared. Nah I actually have a lot going on in my life, I spend a lot of time on other stuff apart from chasing girls. You probably noticed I had time to write a book and run a company etc ;-) You have a lot of good points though mate, nice one.

      I met Zan in Brazil and liked hanging out with him but didn’t buy in to his relationship philosophy.

      My charity idea would be to work with kids who are bullied/outcast and help them get confidence.

  18. Mariusz S. August 19, 2012 at 12:14 am #

    Great write up :) It’s what I thought about when I was pondering on how to approach dating. Get experience, then you have the knowledge to choose.
    The thing we as people have to consider is the more we do of something, we get better at, so focus is everything. “-There are two wolf’s inside each man, a good one and an evil one, and they’re fighting for domination -Which wolf wins ? – The one you feed.” and so on.

    I sometimes don’t know what to think of people like Oscar, who seems fanatic about Robbins for all the wrong reasons. He gives you the tools, you use them any way you want. How can you give happiness if you don’t know what it is for yourself ? There are endless ways to be happy in this world, many of them you can share. Feed the good wolf, and that’s it.

    I wanted to recommend a book anyway :) Richard, did you read Iron John by Robert Bly ? Really interesting study (poetic perspective?) on being a male, and the essence of manliness in culture, myth, and tradition. One can get a lot of insight from this book.

    All the best

    • Richard August 22, 2012 at 12:08 pm #

      Thanks Marius, I read a lot, I’ll go check out that book on amazon now..

  19. Spartan August 19, 2012 at 12:16 am #

    I guess this is the end result or conclusion a lot of the well adjusted guys who’ve ‘been there, done that’.. get to in Game. Ultimately in time…we want the dream girl and all that goes with it. Be interesting to know if there is, or will be many Game guys who are in their later years in an open relationship..still wanting to bang chicks without being exclusive to a girlfriend. If so have they missed a learning point on the journey or have a serious hole in their psychological make up?? There is only so long the sowing of oats appeals, then roots, a family, a life partner must surely be wanted??

    • Richard August 22, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

      A lot of PUAs are weird. It’s fine to take advice from them on the first 30 minutes, but few are qualified to give life or relationship advice.

  20. Aszaszin August 19, 2012 at 1:28 am #

    A great post Richard,
    There is always so much valuable information on your posts, books etc.

    This is something I do dwell on intensely… Ever since I started thinking of women. However my journey has barley began, 20 and still a virgin lol .. Which is bazaar in my lifestyle situation as I’m everything that is the opposite of a AFC. it’s satisfying to read over your experience as you just can’t buy it, and take the key points and learn from your successes, feedback and mistakes.
    So thanks again Rich your material has been a life line to me, and I hope to one day emulate and have the success I have always dreamed of in a controlled manner… As I have a lot of catching up to do….
    All the best mate, I’m sure you will find your Princess and look forward to hearing about the ongoing adventures and escapades !

    Deepest Respect & Regards


  21. joão pedro August 19, 2012 at 2:19 am #

    hello richard!

    very good post, thanks for sharing with us!!

    I guess you`re totally right about that

    I am brazillian ,I`m on high school and I would like some advices on these cases:

    * what is for you being a “natural” player,how to be that guy?

    * how to pick up a teenager(15 to 18 years old)


    • sun slayer August 19, 2012 at 5:25 am #

      Joao Pedro,

      Look into bolstering your personal ideas of self worth. Realilze that you are already what younger women want (a mature man with his shit together). If you honestly feel you aren’t, change that. It’s all about attitude with younger girls. If you perceive yourself to be something they want, but most likely can’t have, then they will feel that too. And they will work really hard to get you. Just my advice, take it with a grain of salt as I am not the guru here.

      You are a lucky man – brazilian girls are really hot!

  22. Steven August 19, 2012 at 4:22 am #

    Hey man its an inspiring article. When it comes to dating community and also as an entrepreneur I have a great respect for you. (Which is why I’m always messaging you for advice at times)
    The stage where I’m at of handling flakes, and getting better at being sexual is encouraging to read from someone who’s already been through what I’m going through.
    Thank you.

  23. sun slayer August 19, 2012 at 5:21 am #

    I have had a similar experience with American women. The ones that are even remotely pretty have been trained by our society that “becoming a bitch” means winning at life. So entitled. So tiring. I even started dating girls exclusively for their personalities, putting aside looks. But even those (American) women have ridiculous expectations for a boyfriend. The p-whipped male has become the fashion accessory of the decade. And if you want to be in a relationship but keep your bachelor attitude, the shitstorm of resentment is neverending – no matter how “alpha” you are. Women have a gift of slowly breaking down even the most independent men through persistent frame games. So I just decided to be single.

    It’s kind of the opposite direction from where most PUA’s seem to end up – being promiscuous for a few years and then looking for that “perfect female companion” that they missed out on as AFC’s. But I didn’t come from there. I was the guy who had a girlfriend. So I’ve gotten away from going out all the time, if I do it’s really just for fun and not with the intent to pick up girls (although it does happen). And I only give them the time of day if they are REALLY special. That attitude seems to work well with women, of course. So I find myself the one being pursued more often than not. Then, you really figure out who is worth it and who isn’t. I just consider myself in a relationship with a woman who changes faces and bodies all the time, a relationship with zero commitment. I hang out with my guy friends and have a good time whenever I want. I turn girls down. It’s nice. Not perfect, but nicer than being weighed down. But I don’t really want a family, at least no time soon.

    So the point I’m trying to make is that there is another option – accept being single and be “complete” without a permanent female on contract. Yeah, some nights you end up servicing yourself, but that’s just laziness – if you want to get laid it just takes the effort of leaving the house for a while. When you know that you can do that whenever you want, you really get a new perspective on how much or little crap you are willing to put up with just for companionship. For me, it has become pretty close to none. But that isn’t bitterness, it’s the realization of my own power of choice.

    Good luck with your search, though. There are some really cool chicks out there, although damn rare. Just be prepared to be “on” a lot in order to keep her from straying once you land her…

  24. TurboX August 19, 2012 at 9:28 pm #

    Richard, I totally agree with you.

    During my master pickup training I have fucked 16 girls (14 of them were fasts, meaning we had a sex during 24 hours from the first communication) just in 1.5 months in Moscow. At the beginning it seemed like a heaven, I felt like super hero who can get any girl he wants, day game, night game whatever. However, in a nut shell, I realized that I even don’t remember names of the girls I had, it was so mechanical, just about dirty sex and at one moment I felt like one strong relationship could give me 100x time more than a sex with hundreds of girls. Anyway, now my strategy is that when I meet a girl, I try to escolate and push a girl towards sex as soon as possible, so basically I try to have a sex with her during the first date and then I just look at the reaction and her behaviour. And I can say with 100% guarantee that if we have a relationship with her she definetely will behave herself with other guys like she did on the first date with me. In other words I think different pick up trainings and an experience with many girls give a lot in terms of understanding what you really want to see in your girlfriend and provide an opportunity to be really selective.

    And I also agree with that in Moscow its much harder not to cheat as there are too many distractions and options around comparing to Western Europe or US.

    And to all guys: Moscow is a very developed city with really high living standards and lots of opportunities in terms of job, career or business. The only problem that it’s really expensive and the competition is really strong (for everything, job or girls). So you are welcome to come and check it yourself :)

  25. Jimmy August 20, 2012 at 1:24 am #


  26. leond August 20, 2012 at 2:13 pm #

    I honestly think happiness when it comes to life & love is a trip that never ends. We’re a serial monogamist species. After running around rampant with PUAs, I eventually married a woman I considered my best friend, stunning, funny & very conscientious. Eventually we both just got tired of each other and we ended up going back into the dating scene and having a mutual divorce.

    Sex with one partner eventually gets tiresome and everything you do to keep the spice alive is just adding a band-aid to a deep wound.

    It’s always a cycle of monogamous women once you decide that you’re tired of fucking random women. You find someone amazing and you try to date for as long as it lasts and you go search for the next amazing woman.

    • Alex August 23, 2012 at 10:06 am #

      I think so, too. We are just genetically programmed to be serial monogamous.

      If you are a man with options and no kids, this instinct will become overwhelming at one point.

  27. Kenogi August 20, 2012 at 3:15 pm #

    Hey Richard,

    It was an excellent post. Although I haven’t had lots of relationships or lost my virginity, I agree with most of what you just said. I guess I’m blessed to be born into a conservative culture (in Singapore), where people aren’t into pre-marital sex (but it’s changing).

    We have a greater focus on emotional connection (love not lust), and although we think of sex as much as you guys, most of us do not have any desire to do it until we meet our special someones. I believe sex with someone you love really deeply is 10000000x more enjoyable than one night stands right? And that abstinence until the night you get married just amplifies it all.

    And that’s the reason why I’m trying to refine the techniques for myself, and the values I believe in. I love PUA for the life-enriching knowledge it provides: becoming a better man (eg. Alpha male), social skills (eg. cold approaches, starting and leading conversations, the theory of value), identity/lifestyle development, psycology and lots, lots, more.

    My goals of learning ‘PUA’:

    1. Self-improvement
    2. To have the tools to be able to get the girls I want

    Last but not least, I wish you all the best as well. :)

  28. Rafael August 20, 2012 at 8:32 pm #

    Nice post Richard:
    I’m 36, and I’ve tried a little the clubbing, and all the other experiences. Most of all, because I’ve done the mistake you talk about, to stop with the first one. So, I completelly agree that it is probably one of the biggest mistakes. Anyway, it lasted 13 years, and then it finished 4 years ago, then this was the time I started do the life I had did do years before.
    I reached the same idea, but departing from the fact that I live and been married with an Italian woman. After this, my relationships and my search around was always with foreigner women. I have to say that my intention always was to find again the one, but my searching was more complicated, since I’d became selective and complicated. Anyway, I’ve been involved with an UK woman, then I tried Oriental ways, so Japanese and Thai… But, sincerelly, no one of them sattisfied my research. Then I knew some girls from Russia, Belarus, Estonian, Sweden to stop in Ukraine. So, what to say, I totally agree with you, I’ve found the way they are completely different from Italian or the other girls I’ve met before.
    I have to say that also follow the thecnics you teached, well, it was pretty nice, and let me understand more about my problems to approach, and my uncertainties too, then to correct my mistakes. This also helped me to meet a girl that actually, though our relationship isn’t really clear, is potentially a perfect woman for me, and I can say, I’m still able to feel a lot, the butterflies and the rest, from the first time I met her in person, then we had 12 days, well, nights and days, to know each other better, and though I’m back to Italy we are able to hear almost any day, and we are already planning the next meet. I think, though she still didn’t told me her intentions, because she want to see how serious my intentions are with her, it would be the moment when the relationship could be finally defined, then we can plan the next steps to do, always together.
    Another thing, I agree also with the monogamy, you see, I always said that this is the way I act, usually also with a big effort (not this time, since I have serious difficulties to find around a girl that were more beautiful at my eyes that she is! And, for instance, I had the same difficulty while I was in Ukraine…), but I always was able to have a perfect control on my libido, from when I was really young. Then, respect, is the first thing, followed by total honesty…
    Thanks for all Richard… Have a great life, and keep on smiling!
    Trillion smiles…

  29. Xavier August 20, 2012 at 9:03 pm #

    You make some good points, but in the end what you post is very idealistic and somewhat unrealistic.

    Unfortunately for the romantic ideal, humans are just not evolved to be monogamous. What we are evolved to be is pair-bonded for 2-4 years, which corresponds to the amount of time required to have a baby and for it to grow up enough to start walking and not be completely helpless.

    The evidence for this is abundant and not hard to find. The book “Sex at Dawn” covers the material very well. Monogamy is a relatively recent development in human societies, and it’s one which doesn’t really work most of the time.

    This is why the divorce rate is well over 50% in developed countries, and why there’s so much cheating that goes on.

    To make matters worse, attraction tends to decrease the longer you’re with someone, and so does sex drive: men’s testosterone level has been found to drop when cohabiting with a woman, and to drop even further if they have a baby. The lower testosterone tends to beta-ize the man, and probably increases the woman’s tendency to go out when she’s ovulating, and have a quick fuck with a more alpha male.

    Is it hopeless? Not entirely. I myself am in a great relationship with a beautiful and sexy girl who lives with me. I’m much more experienced than nearly anyone in the community, because of my age (over 30 years in pickup!), and I’ve had numerous long term relationships ranging from almost 10 years down to six months. So I’ve learned, the hard way, how to keep the magic going and how to keep my women sweet. But here’s a hint: the gaming never stops. If you relax and become beta, she will lose attraction very quickly.

    My relationship is great, and who knows, it could last for a long time. But I have no illusions about the fact that I will want other women, and that attraction will decrease over time. After that, the question becomes: do you just put up with the situation, or do you cheat, or do you make another kind of deal that’s not unduly restrictive and which takes into account the fact that we are really not cut out to be monogamous for life.

    I hope that when the time comes, if you find yourself suffering, you can work out a deal that works for both of you, or know when it really is time to move on.

    Don’t end up paying for Hollywood’s idea of an ideal relationship with your happiness.

  30. Alx August 20, 2012 at 9:27 pm #

    Good article. I am surprised that a English man doesn’t like English girls. I thought u got used to them haha. I think most of those girls in clubs in England are stupid ( look at italians , they are much more classy)

    I am from china and honestly I think dating in china, russia is much easier than in uk. The reason that most people are stuck in london is for the job. ( there are no jobs in other parts of Europe now) . I was also thinking of Russia and I have Russian girl friend. I understand the mentality. However I don’t speak Russian … So….

  31. Matt August 20, 2012 at 9:29 pm #

    Hi Richard

    Firstly I really admire your honesty towards it and for someone who is so well respected in our communtity, im still new so havent quite figured what I want but that was definitely some food for thought.
    but I really hope your plan works out for you


  32. Ricardo August 20, 2012 at 9:30 pm #

    We can have sex or we can play minecraft right? xD

  33. Oskari August 20, 2012 at 9:36 pm #

    Im not British but I have lived about 6 years in London, one year in Russia and 7 years in Brazil. Im originally from Finland. I must say that I found it difficult to game in London. Maybe it was because I was young and without good techniques, or maybe London just is hard place to game. I dont know.

  34. Andrew August 20, 2012 at 9:39 pm #

    Your story truly does remind me of myself except you’re a little further down the road than I am. I’m still trying to become more confident and have a great life and draw the kind of women I desire. Your story truly inspires me and gives me hope for a better future. Thanks man, you’re one of my heroes.

    Any words of encouragement or advice would be much appreciated.

  35. Dominik August 20, 2012 at 10:07 pm #

    I think whatever you feel is right for you right now is the thing you should work on. Simple as that.

  36. Hervé August 20, 2012 at 10:21 pm #

    Hi Richard,

    This is no big surprise for me to read your post. I went kind of through the same path.

    After being marrried for 20 years, then divorced, I needed to pick up a lot of women and I did it. That was fun but it took me much energy and time, in top of working and taking care of my two daughters…

    When I wanted to settle down with a nice girlfriend, I accumulated failures, in part because I can’t stand jealousy and being deprived of my freedom.

    Now : I met a girl one yeat ago, on a dating site for married women…which meant we both agreed on the fact that we were not faithful. We fell in love very quickly. I am now in the best relationship I have ever had because I love her, I can feel she loves me, we are making projects for our lives. My energy is now focused, which feels good. That doesn’t mean I can’t have sex with someone else from time to time, same thing for her. I just want her to be discreet because I know it could hurt my feelings for her. But I love her as a free women with her desires, and God knows she has lots of them…

    That keeps our relationship very much alive and it requires a lot, a lot of communication with each other, which is very healthy on the long term. I know she doesn’t belong to me and i will always have to be “on the watch” to keep her. I like it that way and hopefully, I will propose her soon to marry me.



  37. Brad August 20, 2012 at 10:23 pm #

    Hey Richard, Brad here. Thx for letting me see your newest Blog… I think it’s great to read this, and to each there own !! Before I start, I just wanted to tell you that I did not make it to Vancoover but thx for the inv…

    I totally understand your reason for getting out, and I will fully suport that, For me, I have been single for well over 14 years :( It’s not because I’m not going out there and trying!! I beleive it has to with my confidence and my Hiehgt !! I’ve herd all my life now that, Girls want and are looking for tall dark and handsome guy’s and I am by far the tallest lol, I think it’s all a bunch of Bull Shit !!! I’m glad there are guy’s like yourself out there sticking it to those girls!! I soooo wish that I could be one, but I’m destind to fail :(

    Now don’t get me wrong here ok… I want what all people want in life, and that is to Have and start a family !! I just cant believe that there is NO girl out there willing to give me a Try :( I have sooooo much love to give and NO one to give it to!!! You and other guy’s out there that can get any one you want, Have to realize that there is still guy’s out there like me that dont have that kind of luck :( You talk about seeing all these guy’s that are unhappy with there lives because they are getting action! Well have you forgotten about the guy’s that dont???? I wld rather be unhappy with my life, while I was getting something, then to be unhappy and alone!!!! There is NOOOOOO piont in living if you are alone!! Am I not right??

    I’m bitter about my life cause I cant find anyone, and for that It’s made me try and find you!! To help me better myself in the presuit of love!!! I have never had fun :( I have never been invited to party’s :( I work my ass off for a place to live, my truck, and my well being, But in the end, it’s nothing if I cant share it with someone :( I’m not made of money and I don’t have the means to keep paying someone to help me, soo I am giving up on happyness :( I just hope that you and all the rest of the guy’s can help me get those girls back for all meaness they have shown me !!!

    Look you need to remember that, you started something here!! You started a company that is dedicated to helping guy’s like me get better resaults in there lives, You need to remember that out of all the thing’s you have seen and done, has made you the man you are today, also has given you the money and life to go where ever you want when ever you want !!! I understand that, that has made you feel like shit or what ever but it’s what you have started and you shld feel better about knowing the people you have helped rather than the girls you have hurt !!!!

    Please dont stop PUA, it is the best thing for shy guy’s like me, and it wld be a shame to loose such an Amazing teacher to the presuit of love !! You can still have a life, and this company to!!!

  38. Radek August 20, 2012 at 10:23 pm #

    Hi Richard,

    very nice article from you. That´s nice, you are interested in East European girls. I had a girlfriends from Belarus and also from Ukraine and both of them were awesome. Just I like little bit more belarusians than ukrainians. Anyway, from my experiences is better to find girlfriend outside capitol cities like Kyjev or Moscow (Minsk is exception). I travelled many times to Russia, Ukraine and Belarus by business (I am manager of big Czech company, which runs business in all 3 countries) and I saw in Moscow only golddigger girls (same in Petrograd). But when I was out of capitol in cities like Niznij Novgorod (Russia), Dnepropetrovsk (Ukraine), Gomel (Belarus), I always found better relationship girls there. The only problem is there, that many of them does not speak english very well. For this reason I always speak there russian only. Good luck to you in your journey of finding your dreamgirl in East Europe. Maybe you can try some FEMEN girls)))

  39. Lee August 20, 2012 at 10:24 pm #

    I agree in lots of ways there, I personally would love to find a cute girl, who has great personality, is fun to be with, and incredibly supportive. I seem to find girls that have a few qualities that I’m looking for but not enough to make a real go of a successful relationship.

    Also girls in my age range seem to be into the mind games thing… probably not gonna meet the one until I’m in my 30’s, but no reason to not have fun between now and then :)

  40. alx August 20, 2012 at 10:48 pm #

    i think and from experience, that the reason why eastern European girls are honest is due to that hey are very serious about relationship and marriage. Hence i think one shouldn’t play around with Russian girls, its like playing with fire. i think if u have been with the girl for sometime u should marry the girl.

  41. Donovan August 20, 2012 at 11:01 pm #

    Hey Richard,
    Good post there. It fits nicely with my goals:
    1) Gain experience with women where mutual sexual attraction is strong.
    2) Get a feel for the kind of woman and relationship that works best for me.
    3) Go for a relationship with a special woman, but coming from deep abundance instead of my previous ” oh my God, I am so lucky to be with a hotty, better not mess it up “.
    4) Accept that relationships may last years, but that not everyone is destined to have a lifelong love with the same partner.

  42. Tom August 20, 2012 at 11:02 pm #

    I gotta say, when I first heard about PUAtraining and the boot camps they run, I kinda got the impression that you guys just focus on teaching students to hook up with hot chicks with quantity of lays being the benchmark of success. Seeing the level of honesty in this post, I can see that you actually value the different goals that guys have beyond just getting laid. Seeing this, I would feel more comfortable potentially signing up for a workshop in the near-future. :-)

  43. Tony Zhang August 20, 2012 at 11:06 pm #

    Hey Bro, come to Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. 800K population. Small city, you can drive everywhere. But big enough to contain most of the stuff you would want to do. Lifestyle is much slower, means more time to spend with your girl and family.

    Winnipeg is also very culturally diverse due to our immigration policy. Every year we have the Folklorama where we host events of nearly 50 different cultures. It is the world’s largest and longest running multicultural festival… not bad for a farming city in the middle of the American continent.

    We have a few nightclubs. I promoted for one last winter. It’s definitely not a boring place.

    Over here, the city is nice, you can see the stars at night. it is clean, almost no high-rises. The food is diverse. The people are friendly. Bring your special girl here!

    I am just beginning my journey as a PUA. I have spent many years studying on the subject. I know all about the techniques, body languages… but I’m not able to let go my pride. I took up insurance sales for 3 months with the sole purpose to help with that but it did not work out. I wasn’t willing to play the numbers game (on the job or in my personal life). I would take rejections personally and it would hurt my self-esteem.

    The worst part is that I have no support. Winnipeg is so tucked away from major cities, I couldn’t find people to swap ideas with, to work on my game with. It’s tough going through this on my own.

    I have stopped trying to pickup girls for a while now. the Game too unpredictable and I feel like I needed time to recover. I have being working on things I could control for over a year. I workout a lot and I wear nice cloths. I’m learning salsa and I am determined to get good at it. I read books trying to improve my personality to become more sociable, and also to understand myself my own emotions. I have recently started focusing on becoming a man of principles. Refining my character.

    Not everyone is fit to be a insurance salesperson. I’m wondering if its the same with PUA?

  44. ian dylan August 20, 2012 at 11:10 pm #

    yup ; i really do think that , some guys really can do the hey, we have an open relationship and it’s going to last thing. i don’t have the most experience ; but, i do have some. enough to know , have a good idea of what i want anyway. certainly enough to know that, it’s ok to take unusual routes to finding out what you want. mostly, probably most of us need to have some of what we don’t before we can hope to have some of what we do want.. some things i look out for now
    1. the cold bitch
    she’d just squeeze all men like tubes of tooth paste forever if she could,
    2. the adult child
    might be nice enough as a friend but , watch the hell out, as, children with the power of an adult are not so cute when things don’t go their way.
    and lastly, try to think in terms of religion and politics being important in an ltr
    not at first for pickup but, after that, ; better believe it.
    if my religion says, mind over matter, and her’s does not, then guess what.
    we’ll probably never be a definite likely ltr ; no matter how wonderful she is.
    lastly, i’ve found that, whoever it is, she should not be anything too big in my life
    not until she’s urned the right to be i mean
    and that might take a long time, maybe more than a year even.
    and really lastly, long term one on one relationships are a good thing; not for everyone maybe but, for me they are.
    ok, oll shudd up now. thanks Rich

  45. Rich Sunshine August 20, 2012 at 11:13 pm #

    Getting out of confusion and trying to hide it is one’s own mistake. A soldier becomes a hero after killing for the sake of his bodies the enemy. Does he enjoys the medal? What makes one fulfilled inside? It’s not conquering a woman but earning her respect, admiration, and spiritual support. The chase after another soul detaches us from ourself, leaving us empty, in a vacuum and wondering where the hell can I find someone who will understand me, my reality, my truth inside which I seek to discover in a humble way without being afraid of what they will say?

    Love is stable. Fun is slippery. Can’t hold it long. Love is dynamic, boring, crazy, questionable, irritable, uncertain and without no guarantees. Fun is short lived, seductive, a perfect crime: one where counting the booty leads to find another victim. And one thing I have found in this path little by little is the fact that my rules to succeed in this area are framed in 4 words.

    Open up.

    But you will have to come to yourself for:
    Love is not a Bus Stop.
    Love is not a One Way Street.
    Love is not a convenience store where you shop and dispose like kids with goodies after christmas night.
    Love is not intended to become a russian roulette.

    Finding love is reaching the grail. But the majority will never get there. It’s no ones fault. Love’s twin sister, death or loss always marks the beginning of a new opportunity to try and on that we can depend.

    Thanks Richard for letting us see the Real You. God and the Devil are the same and we all carry a little bit of each inside.

    Women are smarter than men. And I pity the idiot who disagrees.
    Women are the greatest resource of creativity or destruction in the life of a man.
    There are 2 women you can’t fool. One your mother. Two, the one you relate to in the spirit.
    And the greatest challenge of a man is not to make money, but to earn the respect of a woman. If not you will find her sleeping with another guy, vacationing from you at the expense of one’s own tears.

    I am writing a book and thought of sharing some of my thoughts here with you and our friend readers out there. Thanks for having the courage to be in a world where hypocrisy and “a fake character” compete like clouds against the sun every day.

    Rich Sunshine
    St.Paul, Mn.

    • Clue August 21, 2012 at 8:54 pm #

      I agree, You really brought things into perspective for me.

    • J August 29, 2012 at 1:36 am #

      “Women are smarter than men. And I pity the idiot who disagrees.”

      And I pity the mangina who thinks that. :D

  46. Patryk August 20, 2012 at 11:31 pm #

    Hi Rich!
    Cool that you started to like daygame, I rememberthat you said in some video, that you ove night game..
    Rich I was at your bootcamp and on few other bootcamps here, in Poland. I can tell, being 100% sure that PUA Training is far better then any other training in which I was. You teach a reall stuff, Natural Game is something I always wanted to have. To be like James Bond, not like Mystery. You are also a great speaker, your DVD’s and videos are the best.
    Take care mate!

  47. Rick August 20, 2012 at 11:31 pm #

    Richard, this is excellent introspection. I admire your candor. I am curious…how would you advice someone who had been married once and played the field for many years and simply does not want another marriage kids and family and the whole thing that comes along with it.


  48. Anthony August 20, 2012 at 11:56 pm #

    Hey Rich,

    This will help:

    I see you have definitely put much thought into what you are looking for. Well done. But finding what you are looking for seems to be somewhat elusive. Is it possible that by making your highest priority, finding the woman you want to marry, is preventing you from finding her? May I suggest that you let her come to you.

    Do this:

    1. Take a fresh sheet of paper and write down all the physical characteristics and personality traits of the woman that you spend the rest of your life with. Post in a place where you will see it every day (refrigerator, home office, bathroom mirror, bureau mirror, etc.). Look at it every day and…

    2. Create an image of her in your mind.

    3. Take 10 minutes every day seeing yourself with her. This is not imagining. See it as being real like it is actually happening.

    4. Stop actively trying to find her. She will come to you. All you have to do is notice when she does make an appearance.

    5. ** Most important ** Pursue your passion in life that is beyond finding the love of your life. Do it in a place that you feel most at home. Spend more time with family and friends. Have more fun that is not dating related.

    She will come to you or you will find each other. I guarantee it. It might take some time, but it will happen.

    Best, Anthony

  49. Miehver August 21, 2012 at 12:08 am #

    I was starting to get good with girls, and then I lost the guts totally.
    Hey man I think you are really cool,
    Were do you get all the money needed for all that traveling?

  50. Eric August 21, 2012 at 12:08 am #

    Thank U so much for posting this I have so much respect for you for doing this your post has struck a nerve with me my name is Eric I am 39 years old and I am scared last year I met a woman who changed my life the connection with her was so strong and so immediate that I moved in with her after our first date we lived together for four months and two months of it was incredible but then I became a week little puppy dog and she broke up with me I was lucky enough to get a second chance with her and for three months it was beautiful but then she moved and broke up with me again not wanting to ever be alone again I discovered game about five months ago after being completely destroyed on and on line dating service since then I have been going out to clubs every weekend and meeting women who are so much less than she was I am just not able to meet a woman who comes even close to her your question has caused me to realize I don’t know what I’ve doing I know in my heart but I don’t want to go out there sleeping with random girls are hot enough for me I just want to find a girl that makes me feel like she did that is the first and only time in my life that I have ever been in love I believe you can find someone like that that makes you want to settle down and that you can be faithful to for the rest of your life being bossy is a good thing I think if you settle for less than everything that you want you will never be happy and when you find it I think you won’t want any other women because just like it is for me none of them can compare I no longer know what it is that I am going to do I not sure if it’s possible that any other woman Altair can have everything that she did and still does all I know is I don’t want to feel lonely any more you have helped me so much if it wasn’t for you and your program I would still be doing the same stupid things I did when she left me for like getting drunk as hell every night crying

  51. anthony August 21, 2012 at 12:12 am #

    this is the most interesting subscription mail i’ve ever read from you richard. the obvious guess from your customers/subscribers is that you want to move to russia and marry a russian woman seeing the country is your favourite place. name your next story To Russia with Love.

  52. john August 21, 2012 at 12:58 am #

    How are you brother, I really hope you are doing great…and YES I believe I have the same addiction that you have ….WOMEN, this is something extremely difficult to just leave especially when you love them so much, you know I did try it to control it by being good with just one girl, one girlfriend or one lover, but this is so hard this is like eat just one flavor of ice cream everyday when you know there are plenty flavors to taste….you just get tired to be with just one girl, I thought I was really cruel by thinking this way, but thanks to this post I just realized there are a lot of man with the same problem,,,,especially THE MAster THAT I HAD LEARNED A LOT ABOUT SEDUCTION (thanks brother)….so I hope you find what you are looking for in Russia and please let us know…you know you are our role model.

  53. Nicholas August 21, 2012 at 1:36 am #

    Great post. I’m 37 and in exactly the same boat. Living in US now but spent a lot of time in Kiev and thinking of moving either there or another Eastern Europe city (I see you recommend Moscow) permanently in the next few months to continue with the wife search. A few questions that I have for you that others might be having also:

    1) Russian language. When I was in Kiev a lot of the girls spoke only 10-20% English. I went on many dates with different beautiful women where I had to use google translate on my phone extensively. I found it frustrating and also very hard to get to know a girl intimately. Have you studied Russian and is it worth it to try to learn it and how big of a problem has it been for you in Moscow (or other Russian speaking cities) and how have you gotten over this problem.

    2) Taking her away to another city. I also have the same idea as you about finding a great girl and then moving away with her. The problem I have seen is that guys who bring girls back to US, for example, have higher chance of losing them because the girl will likely be the hottest girl in the city you move into and guys will be flocking and her opportunities rise to a point that she has never had before. There’s also the concern about the immigration papers she’ll now have and her friends telling her she no longer needs you. Also, by bringing them back to a different city, you run the risk that the other girls from that city will taint her with their culture. I know many guys who brought Russian beauties back to New York and 3-5 years later those girls have become typical New York girls with similar attitudes, which I personally don’t find attractive. What cities would you move to with her that wouldn’t have these problems and how would you avoid them generally?

    3) Fussy. I also am very fussy because I’ve dated so many women who have had amazing features/traits. If I could build a Frankenstein girl with all the good features/traits I’ve seen scattered across different girls, she’d be perfect. But I realize this may be unrealistic. So my question is, when does one pull the trigger and know that she is the one, aka a “close enough” match to all the traits you find most important. Pulling the trigger has opportunity cost because you forgo the new ones you’d find if you kept looking, and also you eventually lose existing girls in the loop currently on holding pattern. I could spend another 10 years searching for her and never pull the trigger on any because I keep thinking things like “She is has a great body… but Mandy had nicer legs.. so I should keep looking” or “I have so much fun with her.. but Sarah was a bit smarter… so I should keep looking” etc. Any tips here appreciated.

    Thanks for your candor and sharing with us where you’re at with your life – being in the same boat it makes me feel like I’m not the only guy searching for “the one” seriously. Appreciate it.

  54. Michael August 21, 2012 at 1:56 am #

    hey man what a great blog, i really enjoyed it, i can honestly say i’ve learned from it. its good to know what you can expect in these situations. keep up the good work.
    cheers from your fellow rookie PUA man in Canada :P

  55. Doctor Love August 21, 2012 at 2:06 am #

    I just read your post and it is about time that someone exposed the dark side of being a PUA. Richard, you were the reason why I changed the way I pursued relationships and initially wanted to be the guy who gets the girls. After losing my virginity to an older woman and being involved in one serious relationship in my late teens with a loving European girl, I then changed the way I would pursue women after we broke up. I reinvented myself and began learning the pick up secrets from all the Gurus such as John Alanis, David De Angelo and Lance Mason and YOU! :) I then slowly began racking up the numbers who went from the guy who getting get any action and was constantly stuck to the guy who would be shagging several girls a week. This went on for several years and as my hunger for women grew, my addiction to sex become stronger. It started off with girls my age with similar interests, then would be anyone ranging from18- 22 year old girls, Cougars, Single Mothers, Divorcees, Catholic Girls, Indian Girls, Dutch Girls, Greek Girls, heck even Fat, Ugly or Disabled Girls. If it had a pulse I was there! Needless to say my friends began to lose respect for me as I began to become consumed by addiction. It even got to the point that I used call girls to satisfy my urges. I remember that at one point I would be sleeping with 3 women at a time on a casual basis. My tally is now in the mid 70’s and in all honesty some of the girls I can barely remember, whilst others I can in vivid detail. Eventually Women then could begin to tell there was something disturbing about me and would keep me at arms length or stick me in the friend zone when on the dating scene. This was my sign to stop. Almost 10 years on, I still am single but now my values have changed. As much as I enjoy the physical side of dating, I have come to grow comfortable just having strong friendships with women, and even though I am not ready to be in a committed relationship until my authentic self comes out, I can take comfort in knowing I have beaten sex addiction and am on the way to finding a healthy relationship with one special lady. I dont blame you Richard for what has happened to me, but I think if it wasn’t for you I would still be the shy guy who couldnt even talk to a woman with freaking out. So I am glad that you too see that even though we have great skills over most men, that even a PUA is deserving of love..

  56. Dom August 21, 2012 at 2:18 am #

    great post richard, it is great to hear the other side but also the mindset of your journeys. I am still working on trying to get a date with a girl (late bloomer) but this is a great article to read and have thought about.

  57. Scott August 21, 2012 at 2:42 am #

    I can’t help but think that you may have yet more skills to work on to make your ultimate goal work out.

    Maintaining a long term relationship requires slightly different skills and ultimately the commitment to make it work despite some disappointment, temptation, and ups and downs.

    No doubt you’ll make it work if that is what you want, but the internal struggle will be difficult, knowing you can easily start over at any time

  58. George August 21, 2012 at 3:52 am #

    Richard, hey you just summed it up for me. I am 59, tall, healthy, fit and told I am good looking, into a lot of out door adventure.
    I tried the course, you offered, out of curiosity,(did I have game?). but realized picking up girls was not what I really wanted. Was looking for my next ex. (not really, would like one that lasted). But I did want to have fun, and find the gal I could spend my days with living and loving.
    Well my thing is I love beautiful women, and to find a intelligent, compatibly one seemed like a joke.
    hit a strip club, and one gal, came up ask to just talk, ( OK they make a living doing what we guys want), I didn’t let her turn me into a “client”, (she did not even try). Just stopped by once a week on a afternoon, spent about an hour talking with her and we had a drink together. She is only 30, new to the game, very smart, has not got sucked into the “life” yet. We have a lot of laughs, she runs to me when I come in. But I really do not like her choice in a job, the reality is I know how it goes, and it is only a matter of time. the real hard part is there are some real hot gals there, and they keep looking and yeah so do I.
    For me the whole game is about finding THE ONE, and I find I am real picky, not willing to settle.
    it all goes pretty good till they find out how old I am, then it just crashes, ( yeah I get it, what really great babe wants a 60 year old guy, that is not rich?). So here I am in a little town in Colorado, and in the market, there she is, we “felt” each other, and looked, eye contact and I am feeling like my first high school crush, you know shaky knees etc. crap she is 26, and after a few minutes talking, I see the realization light up in her eyes, ( OMG, he is a old guy!!). And that is how it goes, nothing to be done for it. I accept it and just move on. Then I read your very honest post, and it all kinda hits me that “game”, chemistry, pretty much sucks at 59. So take heed younger guys, find “HER” now, it will be almost impossible after 50. Thanks Rich for the real and honest thoughts.

  59. NSK August 21, 2012 at 7:04 am #

    I don’t think I could thank you enough for breaking the norm of ‘coolness’… being mysterious, and all other forms of sugarcoating BS – by sharing your story so bravely. Lately I’ve been thibking of exactly the same issues you described …and the fact that you have more experience in the realm of women, sure helps in my own decision making.

    I personally think it would be great if you continued to write so honestly about your experiences….most men are thinking this anyway right :/ …but either way – I wish you the very best man. I’m sure you’ll find your girl.


  60. Art August 21, 2012 at 8:32 am #

    Looking forward to whatever lessons you have to share from this new stage of your journey. I expect that you will bring to this stage the enthusiasm and rigorous thinking you brought to being a pua!

  61. Florin August 21, 2012 at 9:42 am #

    Hey Richard. You are right. I am from Romania and it’s great to see that the thoughts are the same all around the world. Thank you for this post. You did the subject more clear to me. I’m the one that couldn’t figure out what to do when in a relationship. Have fun with other girls or be faithful?

  62. illecebram August 21, 2012 at 10:03 am #

    Most interesting and many parts I can connect with. This is something I really hadn’t expected when I stumbled across pick-up. I thought it would just polish those social skills and turn up the accuracy – I hadn’t expected that I would also start tripping over deeper questions about myself, and I think many can empathise with that.
    I would say I’m lucky enough to have one of the coolest jobs there is – running travellers through the remote and lesser known parts of the world. As such I only hit civilisation every couple of weeks and then only for a night or two. I am always on the move. So being able to go out and meet girls on those nights becomes very important as you can’t wait around for opportunity and you’ll almost certainly never be in the same place again to meet a second time. But I’ve now been languishing in the UK for a few months between trips and I’m struggling. I have found questions I didn’t really want to; such questions as is it me, or is it them – or perhaps both?

  63. victor August 21, 2012 at 10:34 am #

    Howzit man

    Great post, i was wondering, have you ever been to Johannesburg, SA? There are tons of gorgeous girls here and I’ve got a friend who says “Everyone knows Afrikaans girls are the most difficult and full of shit to get.” I would love for you to prove him wrong!. Peace Bru.

  64. sofyane August 21, 2012 at 10:49 am #

    mr seddiki sofyane
    bp 634 msila 28000
    demande de mariage

    monsieur le directeur

    j ai lhonneur de venir tres respectueusemet vous solliciter la bienvillance de bien vouloir accorder ma
    demand de mariage je suis un jeune algerien age 28 ans j exerce comme soudeur depuis des annees je
    voulais me marie avec une europeenne qui habite a une paye de europe

    je vous informe que je suis pret a vivre avec elle et dansl import paye de monde
    esperant monsieur le directeur davoir une reponse positive de votr part
    dans lattent dune suite que jespere positive recevez monsieur le
    diecteur nos respectueuses salutations

    seddiki sofyane

  65. Ripty August 21, 2012 at 1:18 pm #

    Beautiful woman to me are like chocolate (which I love) and when you see a new flavour you haven’t tried before but it has all the attributes of what you really like, the temptation is strong. Nothing is as strong as true love though and I wish you and myself the best of wishes in finding that.
    I appreciate the wisdom you have shared over the past years and I agree that you are on the right track!
    A beautiful place to settle with the girl you truly love would be New Zealand, not to many distractions, mostly nice people, good food and heaps of cool little places to chill out, sweet as bro!

  66. Escorpião Ás August 21, 2012 at 1:32 pm #

    Dear Richard,

    I guess it´s not a surprising thought, yours, i bet it´s common to all men who had explored pua world and increased (even a bit) their game. Things become so “mechanical” that we loose some adrenaline doing it. I bought your cd (pua university & stealth attraction) and i follow mystery too and i´m a really interesting man in pua world but…my opinion is that pickup is a bridge to real goal: solid relationship with a beautiful women with beautiful brain (or just a brain, ok lol). My “problem” is, i want to be with the most beautiful girl of the place, and if i´m with one that is not (although she´s fine and interesting) i want to back to the field and find a women that is just pretty and respond to my stereotip and makes me think “Ok, not just she´s the most pretty but also she´s someone who can estimulate me and take the best part of me”

    Portuguese Hug,


  67. Dan August 21, 2012 at 2:43 pm #

    Hi Richard, I’ve been following your writings for some time and I believe you are one of the truly genuine guys doing this work. I’ve published several books on dating following exactly what you mention.
    They say the best in the field end up married. I don’t agree. I have a girlfriend now that I just can’t put out of my life because she keeps coming back. I got trapped in my own game. Solutions? I never expected this… even if before I was pretty much like you when you.
    Now I have many options… but I don’t like to cheat. I guess is like you wanting to find the “one”.
    But I’m writing this because I’m more curious about something else:
    How do you manage to live in so many countries? What could you suggest other guys that are pursuing the same dream and can’t get it in their hometown?
    I would also like to present a suggestion for you: Please write another book, this time focusing on the “in between”, namely in how you managed you relationships, break ups, travelings, etc.
    Don’t worry about proving anything to others. Just write your experience for others to pick up the wisdom on it. Best of lucks to you, my friend!

  68. Cohen August 21, 2012 at 6:12 pm #

    Thanks Richard. This is very enlightening and helpful. It’s very insightful and inspiring to see the PUA’s evolving in their own as time goes on. First Adam Lyons gets married, now you are evolving in your desires and intentions. Your experience and value is increasing every day and someday you may revolutionize the industry once again with the “full” spectrum understanding of love.

    Keep it up. You are building bridges for the rest of us to follow. And we appreciate and admire you more than you know.

  69. George August 21, 2012 at 6:33 pm #

    Firstly I would like to thank you for the way PUA is designed. You focus on what guys really want, instead of the ridiculous fantasy those internet money making schemes try to sell to us.

    I’m 20 and, I’ll admit, I’m a little insecure about getting older without the PU skills I put so much importance on for fear that ill spend the rest of my life alone.

    The way you described your journey in this blog has opened my eyes up to how I’m not the only guy that doesn’t know what he really wants yet, and how fulfilment and happiness is not something you have to achieve before you reach your mid 20’s.

    I know now I need to stop worrying about where I’m going to be if I do nothing, and instead sort my life out to get me to where I want to be. The best of my life starts tomorrow!

    Cheers Rich.

  70. British Chap August 21, 2012 at 7:57 pm #

    I think it’s a real mature decision to leave the game, and you’re really brave for posting this. PUA is what made you as a person, but you cannot always depend on it because things can stagnate. Constantly evolve. what’s the next step, gambler?

  71. Clue August 21, 2012 at 8:48 pm #

    Thanks for sharing your honesty with us, I already knew what I wanted in the first place. Sure, it’d be nice to get attention from a ton of women, but I don’t want to become as jaded as those other guys you had mentioned earlier. I want to use these skills I’ll have gained to find the right woman for me that can take me as I am, despite all my insecurities and weaknesses. Of course, it’d be better for me to get a handle on those and turn those personal flaws into strengths before I even meet the right one, but dating will be a positive experience for me. Through your experiences, you have gained sight of the kind of woman that you want, which I am sure will happen to us all as we gain experience with women. Dating is just a process of sifting out the coal from the gems out there, and it’s up to us to find them. We cannot lose hope, so I raise my shot-glass and wish us all the luck in the world that we’ll find the right woman for every one of us soon. Cheers!

  72. Russ August 21, 2012 at 8:51 pm #

    Hi Richard, first time i’ve posted here but after reading your post just had to drop a line to say I think it took guts to write what you did here and I really admire you for it. You totally get what it’s really all about. Really hope I can get to participate in one of your boot camps one day and meet you in person.

    All the best mate,


  73. PS August 21, 2012 at 10:52 pm #

    shows a lot of practical experience…glad to read this.All the best !

  74. Ryan SSS August 22, 2012 at 12:00 am #

    Richard, what you’ve said in this post is extremely honest and it’s kinda made me realise. The part where you’ve said about the people who are millionaires/famous that sleep with lots of women and still aren’t happy, I’ve actually read somewhere else before in one of your articles, but the fact that this is now coming from your own experience kind of re-inforces the whole tale. I believed it before, but to hear it from the horses mouth is a different story all together :-)…..Going off topic slightly – I have a question for you, and I don’t know if you’ll be able to answer it on here, but….I’m 23 (The age where you say you started making changes in your life) and I’ve been reading your material now for the past 3/4 years. Trouble is, although I’ve had quite good teenage years and I’ve experienced alot of things other people haven’t, I still feel like I’m missing something. I’ve had about 5/6 girlfriends (All of which were good looking, but none of which were long term relationships), I’ve had lots of friends all the time I’ve been growing up, and I’ve gone out clubbing pretty much every weekend since I turned 17/18 *Fake I.D* ;-) but I still don’t feel AT ALL happy! :-(….Now, this is because of the fact I haven’t got a girlfriend atm, it’s more to do with the fact I just don’t feel happy/content/confident about the person I am today. I feel like I need to practice being myself more, but at the same time I feel as if I should be at that point now where I should know who I am and what I want in life. All of my mates seem to be happy with the people they are, and have become, where as I still feel like I’m 19-20-21 and should have YEARS left to sort myself out…but the thing is I don’t! Is there any suggestions you can give to help me find myself? p.s – I know this isn’t a personal tutoring blog, but I just thought I’d ask as I don’t often get an opportunity to ask you for advice :-P

    • Max August 22, 2012 at 5:15 pm #

      Hello, there.
      You will not believe me (I wouldn’t if I were you), but I will say it anyway:
      You have to get your own kids. It’s not a joke. The most people (especially men) don’t understand that. It’s a biological thing. Your life will be pretty much the same, but all the problems will be gone! Or better to say: the same problems will seem not be that much a problem. At least until you are 40 (middle age crisis) – than ask again. 

  75. Eric August 22, 2012 at 2:12 am #

    It takes a lot of guts to bare your soul the way you have I read your post yesterday since reading it I have not been forced to become extremely honest with myself I started this journey learning game five months ago after Sherry left me the second time in the last five months I have not slept with two women the second woman I slept with was the hottest girl at the club I was at she was so very sexy and I felt such a rush seducing her and then sleeping with her over the course of three nights but both times it was the same after the sex I felt empty inside the second time I tried to cuddle with her and experience that wonderful feeling of closeness that I had with Sherry but it just wasn’t there and once again I find my self alone and too scared to talk to women once again I don’t understand I’m a coalminer I do an incredibly dangerous job that has almost killed me three different times in the last seven years but I still go to work every day every time I get ready to approach a beautiful woman even one but it’s not that hot I’m filled with a fear that it isn’t reminiscent of the first time I was almost killed at work I love what I do but I have come to hate the people that I work for right now and I feel trapped because I can’t quit because I can’t do anything else but this deep inside I’ve always known even from the beginning of this journey what I really want is to find that special girl that I can loan and who will love me for me not for my ability to bring home a paycheck but for me as a person I believe that you can work this thing out because I have to believe that you can because if you can’t Tenbears no hope for me you have already achieved so much in your life I believe you can do this thing to just remember what’s truly important to you and go for that and rechecked everything it keeps you from that happiness that you seek and deserve you have given me a glimmer of hope through your programs your pick up artist University and your inner game installed has helped me so much I feel eternally grateful to you for that

  76. SmoothDoc August 22, 2012 at 8:38 am #

    Hi Richard,

    So you’re getting a bit wiser and older now ;-). We’ve gone a bit the same path, and I am happily married with my dreamwife for already 7 years now. Met her in 2000 though. And now I have two beautiful kids.

    The thing was I had relationships, and cheated. I was very good @ it, never got caught. Still I broke with those girls – not because of my conscience or something – just because I thought they don’t really knew me. I also could break it up, only I loved those girls. So?

    So I started to ponder about it. And as it did not know the philosophy of Johnny Soporno (and my philosophy is still different). Then I got it for me. Afterwards I just told the girls I went to bed with, and I perceived as possible relationshipmaterial: “Hey after about 1,5 years (when the initial sparks are over) I am going to cheat on you. I will stay with you, because it’s just something I do. I know. You have nothing to worry about.

    And so it went. And some girls went, and 1 girl stayed.

    And I have the same as you. You want to believe in the fairytale. It would made life so much easier. You wish you were a perfect man. Only we’re just not made to be monogamous. Most societies (and if you like Brazilian girls, they expect you to cheat) are about multiple relationships. Also that humans are mostly living longer than their fertile age is something that says that.

    In older societies men married sometimes more than 4 women. Only a woman is expensive so you could not buy them al at once. So older men mostly got more children. In this way humans started to get older.

    And you can believe in fairytales. If I think of my wife, all the thing we have experienced together, the love we had to keep eachother free (my wife is not my possession, she chooses to be with me and the other way around), and also the kids we are honoured to have living in our house. I am living a fairytale.

    Just live on, and really set down and think and also write down what you want in a woman. And set yourself up for it.

    Like you want a daredevil woman? Go and do parachutejumping. Or a very social woman, go and help out in an orphanage or something. Or very artistic woman, go have a gallery. Just examples. You’re doing okay, going to Russia. Most girls are educated, have done some Russian literature, and know about art, and music. Difficult to find in England, and then the girls who have are mostly geeky or too posh.

    Anyway the beauty will fade away Richard. Of course it’s necessary you find her attractive initially. ‘Hey, we’re men!”

    Only its the joy you are having together, that will keep you together.

  77. BigDawg August 22, 2012 at 10:17 am #

    Hello Richard,

    As a man who was married for 27 years (I never cheated once in my marriage) and I have been single for almost 8 years now. It took me a while to get back into the “Game” (5 plus years) as it is called but these last 2 and 1/2 years I have had so much fun. Like you I am back looking for Mrs. Right and have been dating a lot of different women. The one thing that stands out to me, that you need to discover, is it is better if the woman is beautiful in her heart and spirit than it is her body. Now having said that yes I want the kind of woman that other guys are envious of me over and I had enough game prior to buying your courses to pick up hot women but not as frequently as honing my skills through your courses have given me. So for that I owe you a debt of gratitude. I am currently dating 3 women all three are what most guys would give their right arm to be with as far as looks but more important they seem to share an inner innocence, beauty and naivete. For that I also owe YOU a debt of gratitude as I go on this journey of finding my soul mate—- “YES” they do exist and “NO” there is no 100% match. So once again Richard Thank you and I hope you do find your soul mate. Danny

  78. Terry August 22, 2012 at 12:19 pm #

    I totally agree. Now in my mid-forties and recently divorced I bought your book to learn how to get my game back. Had pretty good success with women in my twenties and thirties but was never a true pro so I learned a lot from your videos. Anyway, I met this super high-quality chick in my eyes and doing anything but devoting my dating attention to her is totally out of the question. She would not stand for it for a second and it would screw up the emotional bond between us. But I still enjoy watching the videos every month because 1) I’m still a flirt and enjoy joking with beautiful women and 2) they help me deal with people in general. My favorite one ive seen so far is the one where Matt talks about the difference between waiters and creators. I love this stuff! The ruthless determination and persistence it takes to go after what you want in life- fantastic!

  79. Brandon Van Every August 22, 2012 at 2:36 pm #

    Hey Richard maybe you’re finding out about what I call “the mental gap.” I’ve been dancing around the edge of PUA for many years now, not getting anywhere with it, because it’s never answered or spoken to core questions of what I actually want out of a woman.

  80. BigJohn August 22, 2012 at 3:39 pm #

    Hi Richard,

    I am glad you wrote these out as no one want to stay in the pick-up mode forever. But some guy like me, start learning about the dating world through reading pick-up. We want to do things as a male support to do and there are not many model and worse even if there are one we would not be able to recognize it right away. Behave like a man and have good characters. When I went through your material, I knew there is something different about you. You are totally in your own class (At less to me). I will continue to read your blog. Please send the link through email like you always do. If I were to read this blog 5 years ago, I might not be this responsive because I don’t know that things are always paradox. Now that I know, I can make choice easily. I don’t have to follow any current fashion to get attention. I know I can be myself. Like the lifestyles you mentioned above, it might look like a lot ton of freedom at first but it really not freedom afterwards. After you published this blog, I’m not sure how many but I’m sure there are many guy said you wrote these because you loose your games. I don’t know how other people would said it but I said it’s all for good purpose and you doing it well. Again, that might seen paradox. To be honest, I don’t think you are there yet and that’s not really a bad thing because you are on your way to there. I know you can do it. Take your time and take care. Bye.

  81. Van of Victory August 22, 2012 at 4:32 pm #

    This post is just crazy… wrong on so many levels.

    EVERY morning when I wake up, alone or with a cute girl by my side – I thank god for being single.

    Every night when I leave my place to some bar or party for another night of mad adventure – I thank god for being single.

    Every time I book a one way flight without having to think about someone else – I thank god for being single.

    Every now and then when I see a crying baby and parents who look like they didn’t sleep in three years – I thank god for being single.

    A man should settle-down only after he has accomplished everything he wants from his life. If it’s traveling around the world for three years, starting his own business, writing a novel, learning how to play the piano, or sleeping with 100 women. Whatever a man wants – he should accomplish those things first and only later settle-down.

    If you settle-down before that – you are only half the man you can and should be. Over the years your frustrations will grow and your partner will feel them. Your relationship will fall apart and you won’t even know why.

    And don’t fool yourself – once you start a family, you’ll have little time to accomplish the things that you desire.

    The problem is – most men don’t even know what they want and by the time they figure it out – it is too late already.

    Every morning I wake up with purpose. Every night I go hunting with a knife between my teeth. Every day I make progress in the projects which are of importance to me.

    Know thyself. Accomplish. When your missions are complete – you may rest… and settle-down. But you may decide to never settle down, and in any case, there is no reason for men to do so before they are 45 or more. When you’re still young and energetic, there are tons of other things that you may / should aspire too.

    It seems that there is just not enough challenge going on in your life. Do you play an instrument? Did you ever volunteer for a couple or weeks or more and actually GAVE BACK to society? Do you know how to fly a plane? Navigate a boat? Do you know how to start fire with just your hands?

    For men like us women should be lovers… not partners, until we finally want to settle down and start a family. Is this your plan? Do you want to get married and have children? If so – fine, go do it, have a blast… but why is this post worthy, I’m not sure.

    • Richard August 22, 2012 at 6:17 pm #

      < <. If it’s traveling around the world for three years, starting his own business, writing a novel, learning how to play the piano, or sleeping with 100 women. >>

      Pretty much done all that dude ;-)

      • Van of Victory August 31, 2012 at 2:07 pm #

        I met in the Notting Hill festival a few of your buddies, some guy from Brazil who is learning hot to become and instructor??

        OK then, if you feel ready to settle down at… 28? I’m not sure how old you are, then it’s fine, just know that PROBABLY you’ll not find your happiness there either. You’re exchanging freedom with monogamy because of the illusion that it will offer you solace… but do you really think that monogamy is our optimal condition? That it is “natural” for us? The chances that you’ll still be happy with this girl, ANY girl, within 3-4 years are slim. I’m planning to settle down only when I’m fucking TIRED from life… and it doesn’t seem like it’s gonna happen until I’m ~45 or older. You should really read “Sex and Dawn”, it will change your views about marriage and monogamy forever. Anyway, good luck… every person need experiences in a LTR. I already had mine… now it’s your turn I guess.

  82. Max August 22, 2012 at 4:52 pm #

    Hello, Pick up is a tool. Or it’s a language. Of cause normally you need something more to be a man. As it’s good to be a professional, but you can’t do it without language knowledge. You can be a professional in the language, but normally you need something more to it. The ability to attract the girls is strength. It was incite for me to understand, that this can be improved at all! It’s not a given thing and it’s not a god’s bless or something. It can be changed. It can be improved. I’m in the happy relationship for 19 years now (at least) with one and the same woman. The pickup thing didn’t destroy it. In fact it saved my relationship. I think the pickup is not about what you really have (how many girls, tel. numbers and so on), but about what are you and what you can do, your abilities, skills. You need to be happy? It’s ok! The people created to be happy. It a good deal of some biological basics in it: not only a sex, also a social life, friends, kids, struggle (for men), leading thing… and may be something more. In the end you are still free to define the rest of the concept of yourself. But don’t go against the basics))) the lows of nature are there not to struggle against, but to understand and… to use them))) you can make some decision, but if they are against the nature you will not be happy. If you made a wrong decision it’s mostly because you have a wrong reason. You don’t really want it. Our real deep needs and desires normally are in deep harmony with the lows of nature; we need only the better understand and use them properly. So the question: why do you really need pick up thing is a right one. And yes: I think I need it very much so are many other guys. )))

  83. Jon B August 22, 2012 at 7:27 pm #

    Thank you for a very honest post. I’ve enjoyed learning about you because you are genuinely a good guy. I loved reading your book over a lot of the other pick up books because you have a genuine love for women. I am just now picking up the game and seeing mad results, but it’s comforting to see you talk about the other side of the bridge. Let me ask you…Was it worth it? I know game has had a larger affect on your life than just picking up women, and I know what you mean. I have found internships, I am a awesome officer in the army due to your small talk advice, and my relationship with my friends and family is so much stronger, so those aspects of game might be worth it, but is it worth banging all those chicks? Please let me read your thoughts.

    Jon B

  84. Martin August 22, 2012 at 10:25 pm #

    Hey Rich, thanks for the update. You gotta do what makes you happy right? Well, for me honestly when I first got into pickup about a year ago, I think it was because I just wanted to get laid. I soon realized that there were much more important things than that. Now my focus has shifted more towards self improvement, finding a girlfriend, and finding female friends. Although I would like to be able to have the occasional one night stand. Generally I would just like to be that guy who’s cool, comfortable and always knows what to do in any social situation. Anyway, seriously I can’t thank you enough for how you’ve helped me turn things around. Good luck in your new direction.

  85. moshbb August 22, 2012 at 10:37 pm #

    Well you’ve typed the key word ‘commit’ it’s never abt a journey of self discovery (dont get me wrong, travelling 11 months a year is sweet) but it seems to me ur doing the same thing u’ve been doing ever since u became a PUA!

    it’s a blessing and a curse, happiness is in the journey not the destination, the longer the journey the more fun it is(u get a Stronger sense of achievement that way) PUA re wires ur brain into talking to chicks to hook up(the destination), not to establish a relationship. So let’s say ur good at it, 15 min and ur making out with the hottest chick in the room. The challenge is can u spend more than 5 years doing the same chick?. Well if u think u can’t ur helpless and consider a career shift into porn; but if u think u can, then u will, u just have to commit.

  86. BV August 23, 2012 at 12:34 am #

    Hey Richard,
    Appreciate your honesty.
    Ever read Dostoyevsky ‘Crime and punishment’? If you will feel guilty about cheating, don’t cheat.
    even if it goes uncovered, you will feel guilty for the rest of your life and that in itself is hard labour.
    Define 10 items that you need to find in a women. Think really hard. When you meet her then jump.
    Make it clear you are a team.
    Cultures indoctrinate wether having other women than your partner is good or bad. Europe and catholics, monogamy. Africa and Islam, multiple wives accepted. Who is right? No one. Only your soul. You have to sleep at night.
    If you are in a relation and it accidentally happens that you cheat, you better make sure it is worth while.
    Don’t dip just for the sake of dipping or to boosting your ego. She should be special and have something that your partner doesn’t have. Be honest to her as well. Yes, this means you will loose some, cause your pic up techniques wont do the trick when you tell you have a partner.
    Anyhow. Relax about it. When you meet the girl that fulfills your requirements, you wont feel the need to cheat.
    I have made the mistake not to go first for the perfect 9 or 10. Only to see if I could manage to get one. Now I have a perfect 8+, for 20 years, and I wonder. But still I’m happy and fully aware that I’m in the best position.
    Good luck

  87. Aaron August 23, 2012 at 2:58 am #

    Awesome story, I can really understand where your coming from! You rock bro! Thanks for the blog.


  88. Tal August 23, 2012 at 8:00 am #

    Very interesting blog. I have been reading lots of your material lately, and this did come as a bit of a shock. But!
    I respect your decision and think it is a wise one.
    I want game. Not because I want to be a “pua” but because I want to master the art of attraction so that part of my life isn’t a worry. I want to be able to go out and see a girl and attract her. I can’t do that right now. All my friends do but I’m stuck in friend zone or whatever else.
    I’m quite short and don’t consider myself goodlooking. But I read a lot of pua material and still can’t quite get my hands around it. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Even an email to pm you directly (gambler) so we could have a discussion about something I woul love to talk with you about . If it is possible please let me know and email me on thanks.

  89. Chandler August 23, 2012 at 11:02 am #

    You’re my fav PUA (Artist formerly known as Gambler) & I connect completely with so much you said about girls not measuring up after so many, etc. I started a hostel in Vegas, but work about 80 hours week, so no mucho sex for me! What keeps me from burning out (not always) is the constant change – the people – works for my head. Often, more than a lay, I love drinking games in a mixed group & laughing with guys who have similar sense of humor. I have loads of work time, some one nighters & sometimes a girlfriend for 2 weeks. My business distracts me from some of the loneliness. But My mind is built to be constantly engaged, like getting a new puppy when your dog dies. Friendship with a dude will never fill the gap of a woman, but I have yet to meet a chick that can compare to a true connection w/ a friend. To spend my life in pursuit of that ‘best friend’ chick, may further jade me & over focusing on this shit will decrease my overall joy in life. In the movie City Slickers, Billy Crystal is told the secret to life is just 1 thing…but he had to figure out what that was himself. I’m 41 & feel as passionate & conflicted & uncertain as in my 20s. I also travel the world 5 straight years non-stop. Got bored & tried to take my favorite part of it all & make it my own – my hostel. Seems lots of pua wanna-be’s & pua types tire (me included) from aspects. Don’t think we’re wired for it non-stop. I’m sure you’ll come to Vegas ‘they all come to Vegas’. Visit when you do – its so great to have so much in common on the life experience & the vulnerable stuff dude.

  90. Hudson August 23, 2012 at 4:06 pm #

    Hey Richard,

    good advice! Thanks for sharing your experience.

    I would never have guessed that those rich guys who run a porn business are so unhappy. This goes to show that quantity is not that important. You don’t need 500+ lays :)

    Thanks again,

  91. Karel August 24, 2012 at 12:24 am #

    Hey Richard,

    I read this blog and just left it at first. But there are really too many fundamental thoughts written there that I had before involved in it. I honestly don’t have a lot of experience with girls, (a lot because of reasons you wrote yourself) but I really have reasons to say I have a lot of experience in life. Anyway, you just take or you leave whatever is written here. I absolutely won’t tell you what to do like some others *lifts one eyebrow*. But I really would love to hear your (or others) opinion(s) about some ways of thinking…

    What do I want? I think that’s the biggest question in my life right now… I just finished my studies, rediscovered the creature called “girls” on erasmus, and I am opening a new, yet unknown chapter of life that is going to change myself entirely again… On short terms, simplified version: I want to find a job, get out of my parents house by the first or second payday (I know, I know, financial stupidity :p) and start dating and playing around a bit, with bigger love in the back of my head. (as you wrote in your advice)

    On longer terms however, I found something that you didn’t quite cover yet with the above written text. I think that in our life (broader then love/dating life) it is a lot about constants (comfort) vs. variables (adventure). I mean, if you have too much constants in your life and nothing ever changes, you are longing to adventure. Which is very often about leaving your comfort zone and catching upon new and variable things. (think par example about long relationships that ends) While you par example (and if you think about it: you’re not alone) live in an extreme variable environment. (Well, even your environment is variable) Probably, with great moral peaks and bottoms who sometimes even appear out of nowhere… And you are longing to a constant. (please read this part more than once and take time to think about it before you answer)

    All together, do I belief that if you had such a variable life for so long, so that you became comfortable with a big amount of variables or adventures, it might be very hard to settle down on one place with one woman without additional variables. Because the point where you are balanced (and longing for nothing, and thereby “finished the pursuit of happiness”) will simply be more variable or adventurous than the average guy who settles down… What do you think?

    PS: Sorry for the size of this thing, but I couldn’t really explain it shorter. If it needs more explanation than please ask so… But PLEASE RESPOND, because I do care about your opinion… Btw, none of this is ever proven and is just a theory produced by experience in my chamber above… But yeah, who am I…

  92. David August 24, 2012 at 1:33 am #

    This was a really great article. There is a lot of truth in it. I find one is kind of fooling one’s self with pick up. I think many people realize these simple facts are the truth, but we want more. Don’t get me wrong, learning the skills has helped me in many areas of life, but it was not always easy to remain balanced with the new skills.

    You mention compatibility, I have been researching this topic for many years now. I always wandered why some people would get divorced after a couple of years, and wandered what made that old couple still in love after 50 years different. I believe I have the answers. By combining concepts from many empirical scientific studies, I have been able to list the traits I look for in a woman. Some of these traits are unexpected and seemingly unimportant, but make a big impact. I can now literally draw a portrait of just about any persons perfect match. Tailored specifically for the individuals. This type of compatibility means also means mutual happiness for both partners. Not just some fantasy girl you have made up to suit yourself. Knowing exactly what you are looking for is a very satisfying feeling. I have also met many women who checked almost all the boxes for me, further proving to me I was on to something big. I couldn’t help falling in love with them, and they felt the same way. Along with the compatibility studies I have studied the topic of love/relationship as this is a key difference, but also a crucial factor. I feel I have been able to “define” the concept very elegantly, and hence created a base to grow ones capacity to love. I would like to write a book about my findings someday soon. As I feel it will help many people, and families. (The compatibility ideas are also a great tool for trouble shooting relationships.) If you are interested I would like to tell you more and perhaps even collaborate on writing this book.

  93. Alex August 24, 2012 at 10:25 am #

    Something that astonishes me is that you rate Russian girls as good girlfriends. I have done extensive travelling and have been with girls from many countries, and Russians/Ukrainians are probably the hottest girls on earth (at least for my taste). But they are also the most shameless liars (world is a hard place in their mind, so they are just doing what’s necessary), and many of them constantly need to be pampered. They can be very sweet, but they are also princesses that can get furious if they don’t get what want and feel they deserve. And from what I have read they become quickly westernized once out of their country, and will dump you if they have the chance to upgrade.

    By the way, thanks for the article, I like the pro/cons you list for the different options. Not an easy choice to be monogamous if you are guy with options ;)

  94. Nicholas August 25, 2012 at 7:48 am #

    Hi David, re: your book on compatibility, reach out to me if you can.. I would be interested in talking to you about your research to identify for me an exact list of things necessary to find compatibility. Email Thanks.

  95. Martin S. August 27, 2012 at 6:32 am #

    Hey, have you considered taking a break from game and relationships for a few months? I think that’s what I would do in your position. Honestly what I want out of pickup is a girlfriend, female friends, and to get the one night stand when I feel like it.

  96. Arvhie August 27, 2012 at 6:57 am #

    hi richard.

    thanks for this.

  97. Gerardo August 29, 2012 at 11:15 pm #

    Hey man, i would really love to debate with you about the multiple relationships… i dont know how do you see “long” but i have been loving and hanging out with the same 3 girls in the past year….

    Maybe is because i focus a lot on MY stuff and only when im with them i focus on them?

    Anyway, is nice to see that you are being sincere with your own desires, and you are working on them. Bcause if thats not a man… i dont know what it is…

    PD: im gonna live in france a year (starting this weekend! so excited!)
    any recomendations?

  98. Van of Victory August 31, 2012 at 2:11 pm #

    “Then when you meet a special girl, you can fully commit to her. You haven’t lost all of your innocence, you can still feel butterflies when you kiss her the first time, and you can totally lose yourself in falling in love. Enjoy it and take what you can from it, but don’t take pick up too far ;-)”

    You know what… fuck it. Don’t read Sex at Dawn. You’re a nice guy, keep your illusions about love and monogamy, I really hope it works for you. Too late for me, I’ve already took the red pill.

  99. paul August 31, 2012 at 10:38 pm #

    hey richard brilliant blog helped alot but the biggst problem iv been haveing is kept geting put in the freind zone over and over agen is thear any advice on this thanks

  100. Simplybe September 4, 2012 at 6:51 pm #

    I am 44 and have been looking at your stuff from a somewhat different perspective than most been through the lot’s of women phase when I was younger and recently had my wife turn around to me and did not want any kids, something that was always on the books but just did not happen.

    I somewhat lost the plot, I have spent many years knowing exactly what I want to do and with a murderous confidence, working hard, never giving up, even when others told me it was maddness. I have become pretty successful at something I love.

    The bottom fell out of life when I realised I had forgotten my own life axiom

    “it’s the experiences and the people that make the place and your home is where your heart lies, I mean that literally”

    She/he is the one you are looking for to share the experiences to laugh with, love and cry with, your friends to support you and take the piss out of you, if your head can’t be gotten through a doorway

    I have watched some of the stuff to remember what I used to know, women want to have fun too and that requires “a man” and that has nothing to do with age it is someone who knows where they are going. (If not one goes with you on the journey. then it is not much fun)

    and for me – someone who can still look in the mirror when old and grey and she is too and you be can be proud of her and vice versa.

    Women are not objects, if they are to you, it is a bit like hunting, at some point you become a conservationist and become a happier person.

    Rich happiness is what makes you happy mate, the bugger is we need to figure that one out for ourselves…..looks like you are on your way there…good luck

  101. Shan September 14, 2012 at 12:51 pm #

    Hi Richard great article mate. I was wondering about other industries where you would get an abundance of hot women? Fashion perhaps? Client management? PR? Im just out of uni and I always wanted a job which was social and not behind a desk. Any ideas mate? Thanks again!

  102. H October 4, 2012 at 5:51 am #

    This is really beautiful. I enjoyed reading your thoughts. But what I would say is that love is not about falling in love deeply and the other person’s beauty and love being enough to keep you from cheating, etc. That’s kind of the same problem with PUA, the need for something/someone to make us happy. A relationship, a commitment is more about that, committment. It’s about sticking in it no matter. It’s being a flawed human who is in a relationship with another flawed human. There are times that go well and we’re in love, but there are hard times too. But we can embrace the hard times and see those times as teachers and our partner as a mirror, it’s to help you grow.

    You’re building a community with committing to a partner, you’re making a family together (whether you have kids or not). It’s deeper than all that. It sounds like it could be a let down to look at it this way, but it’s not. It’s all what YOU make it. You have to deal with the issues as they come and do what you can to get to the beautiful moments, you have to cultivate what you want. And to get that, it means in our singleness we need to know ourselves, pursue our careers, shape our lives, find out what makes us tick, learn to relate to others better, get better at communication, etc. Sleeping around doesn’t really help us decide what we want, it disconnects us even more, we don’t get many relational skills from that. Too much PUA and meaningless sex only pushes away what you really want.

    To have a relationship requires first being a mature, whole person. And lots of frolicking around can push that away, it can stunt your growth. And then you wake up one day and decide you want to be with one girl but really do’nt know how or feel unprepared or maybe down the line, you’ll revert back to game and will need other girls to validate you. Your partner may make you feel good at first, but at some point they will let you down, they are human. It takes two whole, mature, strong people to be in a relationship.

  103. Cameron October 25, 2012 at 10:36 pm #


    I love reading your blog. It’s really insightful, and not only are you after experiences instead of only women you actually sound like you still have respect for women. That’s awesome, and I think very highly of you. Cheers to you!

  104. Dante October 31, 2012 at 2:15 pm #

    Hey Mr Laruina, very nice post. Just a question, how were you able to travel without working? How did you get the money to manage to stay away from home for three years and hanging out without any job?
    Thanks in advance for your reply!

    • Richard January 28, 2013 at 8:33 pm #

      Hey Dante, plenty of jobs let you travel and work from a laptop, and coming from the UK or US, you have the currency power to live almost anywhere for less..

  105. J November 4, 2012 at 6:06 am #

    Hello Richard. I’m really, really shocked by this post. You are a Social Genius, yet you have these problems. I’m still a developing PUA, but what I noticed something fairly advanced about masters; Just because you know how to get women doesn’t mean you have life figured out (A misconception many guys believe in). So in reality even though I am shocked, I “somewhat” get what you’re going through. I got this idea when I was watching an interview with Mystery. The guy is actually pretty awkward, and many of the social traits he learned were over exaggerated. For example, he developed confidence, but this instead turned into arrogance, because generally his replies to questions in the interview weren’t smooth but actually noticeably rude. I want to become good and even though you aren’t a pick-up artist anymore I’m still going to learn from what you created. You’re ideas are groundbreaking, and I hope they never become popular so that only the most dedicated studyers of PUA can achieve your wisdom.

    • Richard January 28, 2013 at 8:32 pm #

      Hey J, things are much better than before, so that’s the main thing to focus on….PUA is just not going to supply the meaning of life, but I wouldn’t change anything about my life so far..and things continue to move in the right direction.

  106. Joshua January 6, 2013 at 8:59 am #

    Some of the insights that you expressed over the years, most particularly the notion of microescalation n that of forcing IOI’s, have been incredibly helpful in my life, but I have long felt I kind of emptiness or void around the thought of having a series of rapidly escalated 1night stands. I became interested in the venusian arts after having been in a phenomenal relationship with someone who was deeply loving n kind. I left her for someone who is still – 5 years later – unparalleled in terms of potent sexual prowess, but I’ve discovered that someone who has that type of flare isn’t necessarily suited to be in a good relationship. A deep n loving quality to the communication that I have with a woman, even the urge to fully embrace a spiritual connection that is fused with higher purpose is massively more important than someone’s outer appearance. I suppose that if you feel comfortable n confident enough to meet an endless series of ridiculously outwardly beautiful women, you may eventually find someone who has managed to transcend the effects of being barraged by sexual desire from people with sleazy intentions n has genuinely developed deep character, but I’ve found this to be specifically problematic. Incredibly beautiful women have often told innumerable stupid jokes n had them cause laughter in suitors who didn’t have the wherewithal to actually check in n see if it was funny. What I mean to say is that if someone has been given too much dishonest feedback, it tragically interferes with deep character development. I feel a strong desire to acknowledge how smoothly you seem to express yourself with women, but also a desire to challenge you to take the extreme degree of internal commitment that it took to develop your game in the first place n direct it into uncovering what is of the greatest profundity within you n all of the people you meet n bring into your life. The more fully invested you are in this, the more nourishing n enriching it will be to connect when you find someone who can genuinely engage with what has been brought to light.

    Since you seem to be open to reading good books, there are a few that I would like to throw out there. I’d love to know that you were reading any of them, n honestly, I would love to find out what you think of them when you do. There is a book called Phenomenology of Perception by a French existential phenomenologist from the early to middle 20th century named Maurice Merleau-Ponty. There is no way that you will be able to read this without having your hair blown back. I would actually say that pretty much anything by this guy (The Visible and Invisible, The Primacy of Perception, etc.) would be highly highly worth your while. Earnest Becker’s The Birth and Death of Meaning, as well as The Denial of Death are also quite profound. I would also say that reading great literature, the works of truly ingenious authors, will undoubtedly expand the depth of sensitivity that you approach relationships with, both romantic n platonic. Thomas Mann was absolutely brilliant and the new translations of Doctor Faustus n Magic Mountain among others will radically challenge you to see more of what is in the world you inhabit. Other authors like Marcel Proust, or Tolstoy, or Murakami, or Dickens, or Herman Melville will go a long way in terms of inspiring conversations with whatever woman you choose to be your mate, n who chooses you to be hers. I think the most important thing in developing a deep relationship is connecting n aligning on a lifepath of growth. Without this most primary commitment, the relationship is simply a distraction from doing just that. Good luck, Richard. You are a good man (at least as far as I can tell) and I wish you all the luck in the world.


    • Richard January 28, 2013 at 8:26 pm #

      Thank you very much Joshua, and I’ll put Phenomenology of Perception in my Amazon basket right now..

  107. WufanGohan February 5, 2013 at 4:38 am #

    Hi Richard,

    I am very surprised by your candidness in this no-longer-delicate (I should think for you) matter that you have been so ardently pursuing. I have always liked girls that are decent, academically-inclined, intelligent, linguistic and could play a musical instrument and as per my choice I take the more challenging way than most people who are just content in getting any girl they happen to see. Their meeting point would always be bars, pubs and nightclubs but well, I prefer to scout for talent elsewhere.

    Something that is not as easy to gain is better treasured as it is often said, and I find life to be much more fun and meaningful that way. Lust and love. There is a lack of the latter quality that I guess, answers the question as to why so many occupied men that you described are so unhappy and even suicidal, including probably a bunch of pickup artists among them that are prowling in the various drinking holes of the world.

    Well, when the day draws to an end it whether one gets what he wants is usually up to two requisites: leverage and whether he gets it or not. A few quality studs or an uncountable quality of duds. This is why I made the distinction of ‘love’ and ‘real love’.

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  109. Philander January 28, 2014 at 8:09 pm #

    Success of an author – be it a book or a blog – can be measured, I believe, by the emotional impact the text has on the reader’s life.

    So in my case Richard, you are extremely successful.

    My first epiphany, much alike the one Friedrich Nietzsche had when he discovered Schopenhauer magnus opus for the first time, was with The Game. But it had only a small impact on my life, as I joined the club of the “armchair PUAs” (Neil) that do not really apply Game, being it for that they do not reallly believe “this Hollywood stuff” actually is true, being it for AA and excuses.
    But then I got hold of the first edition of The Natural. Your early personal life felt so familiar and created identification immediately, and the Evolution of a Natural story within the book inspired me totally, but the impact came from your incredible sophisticated psychological analyses and your outstanding ability to synthesise the ingredients in a credible way. I made some progress with my game and as a result met a girl which I feel deeply in love with – which kicked me out of game for three years due, as I chose and promised to be faithful. So I never reached the level to really call myself a PUA. Now some months ago, we broke up and I was back in the game.

    This time, I wanted to do the job properly and book one of your bootcamps/residency programs. The morning I decided to call you assistant and sign up, I browsed around and only then discovered your personal website and this blog.

    You shocked me.

    Reading the above made me sad somehow and cut the ground from under myself. The day I decided to finish the journey which I had half-heartedly started some years ago, I read in your blog that the destination collapsed. Although, how you describe your current state of mind and life goals, it makes sense.

    Now I’m asking myself if at the end, those people that deliberately choose a spiritual, “unglamourous” life and cut their options by choice aren’t the wise ones. I was always attracted to Zen Buddhism and there are some incredible stories of Western people that became Zen monks and decided to live in a Zen monastery e.g. in Japan (There are two very good reads: Maura O’Halloran’s ‘Pure Heart – Enlightened Mind’, a true story of a Irish-US girl that became a Zen Master after passing a tough Zen path (e.g. 1,000 days with 3 hours daily sleep only) or Abbot Muho’s “ZaZen oder der Weg zum Glück” (I don’t know the English edition), a German physicist who became Zen Master and chose to live as a homeless person in the city park of Kyoto but eventually was called to lead and rebuild a Zen monastery).

    Both people seemed to be very intelligent, sensitive and decided to make something with and out of their lives that has positive impact on the world – the same which could be said about you, Richard. So maybe you just don’t need to look for THE ONE girl (I am aware that it is currently ‘en vogue’ for Master-PUAs to marry – Neil, Adam, …) but for something higher, THE NEXT level of your leadership. Zen and life it self teach us: when you’re searching for something very hardly, you won’t find it. IT will find YOU in the moment you let go searching…

    You know, I had a quick thought if PUAs couldn’t help all the ugly, fat and humble girls in the world to make more out of themselves, to become more attractive for guys. I made the experience that they often are so pure and nice characters but settle with the totally wrong males, probably out of lack of choice. Just a crazy idea, Richard, but I often think: what challenge is left for you in life? I assume that once a man reaches your level of PUA skills and can have every woman he wants, the motivation of becoming super-rich, accumulate power and status symbols evaporates. And you also proved to ability to be a successful entrepreneur. And wrote a longseller (which is even better than a one time bestseller!).

    Anyway, who am I to provide you with unrequested coaching? :-/ It’s just: please don’t write “Don’t even call me a PUA any more”. Your life, your incredible evolution is such a source of inspiration for guys and men, please don’t kill it! Thank you for your books, your DVD and youtube material, your blog!

    In the meantime, I try to get hold of Vito to book my London bootcamp seat – can’t wait to see the places where your story all began.

    Regards from Germany

  110. Neogen February 7, 2014 at 5:41 am #

    Richard, mate: Have you considered Australia? We have some of the most beautiful women on the planet here.

    My current gf is a 10 in looks, is a dancer and dance teacher, has had her own business for a decade, has 2 master’s degrees and is working on a PhD in neuropsychology. She has perfect tits and body (from all the dancing), a beautiful face and is a lovely and caring soul.

    She rejected a lot of great, successful guys, before meeting me. Without knowing it (I didn’t have game at the time), I attracted her, by being a bit of a mysterious asshole. I was occasionally nice, but then I’d say offensive/weird things, make jokes about her in front of others, talk about other chicks I’m attracted to, make fun of her a lot, disagree with her a lot, etc.

    To cut a long story short, I was the classic case asshole. So, I was not the ideal type for her, albeit being better than the Beta male. I learnt that there’s an alternative: being an alpha male. So, she broke up with me about 6 months later (when I was still an asshole), but we got back together and are engaged to marry. That’s because I worked on my character, and shaped myself to be an Alpha male, rather than an asshole.

    The advantage I had was that I was naturally an asshole, so many beautiful girls were interested in me over other ‘nice’ guys. But the problem was I was too much of an asshole. I was the asshole of assholes. I didn’t beat women up or anything, but I was just so cruel and hateful all the time. I think I was just insane or something. I was just angry at the world. Those days are long over, now.

    Anyway, come down under some time, and I can introduce you to my gf, and we can have a nice lunch/dinner/drink or something and hang out. We can show you around.

    I’m in Sydney. Send me an email if you want:

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